I felt my feet pivoting and then I was on my tip toes
Between dreaming and sleeping early this morning I saw Jupiter. The image was not from a telescope or from a remembered picture, or from a book. It is not like any other image I’ve seen before of Jupiter. I was close and looking down upon this planet and its amazing golden, creamy, reddish, and brown colors. I was at a remote distant viewing of Jupiter. My feelings awakened to Jupiter’s majesty.
I then whispered this to my husband as he kissed me before going to work,
“I am viewing Jupiter… ”
The door closed as he left and I fell back to sleep. I caught three scenes from a fast-moving dream play which is fading fast as I type. First I was with Sony again. A white mustang I had as a kid. I was riding and we were on our way to the Santa Monica mountains. The next scene I was about to dance. I looked at a young adult male who did not know how to dance. It was ballroom dancing. I took his hands and we proceeded to dance around the room. The room was full of music, laughter and we were moving fast. I felt my feet pivoting and then I was on my tip toes.
The last scene which was an irritating irradiance and flowing
The last scene which was an irritating irradiance and flowing theme of a guy on a bike with a black t-shirt pedaling fast. I tried to follow him but lost him in my fast-moving dream; because he was going in the opposite direction.
I awoke with my senses swirling within me and around me as a soft breeze; happy that I caught some dream memory and wondering what Jupiter was whispering to me, this God of Sky and thunder.
Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change~ Sephen Hawkins
I had the most bizarre feeling yesterday while watching one of son’s history channels together. The same feeling when I was about to give birth to him 12 years ago and how I became one with fight or flight:
OK, I don’t want to be here. I want to run from this pain, stress and place… I don’t want to be here…but it hit me hard: the reality that what was happening to me was beyond me. I had to go through with it. So I let go.
We were watching a program about black holes from the program The Universe on the History Channel. At the center of the whole universe there is supposed to be one massive black hole. Gravity pulls it all. Also there are many black holes which are believed to be within all galaxies as well as our own. More than just the advanced telescopes, technologies and terms for the universe and how it works, our mind has the ability to expand out and see these things: To realize and imagine that we are part of something so fantastic.
I felt the need to run away from… from this realization. I felt that feeling of fight and flight intensity again.
We are bound to this planet due to the gravity of black holes and dark matter… shit I don’t like this!
Yet, science so often takes things to the “bones” of reality. I realize and know that it is beyond me and relaxed into the face of a child that pulls me to him like gravity towards a black hole… his love!!! The fight and flight left me and I was at peace again.
Looking with eyes shut. A cup appears. It shines and comes to focus and out again, as an image in a cloud. Clear then vague, at one moment, and then gone. Life is this way. Rain falls and awakens the smell of the earth in all of her sweetness. This is when the cup is full. As the new moon approaches on the 10th of May one can feel emptiness as if one is holding an empty cup within. The moon then slowly pulls around again and again to reveal her fullness. The ocean waves respond to the wane and waxing that naturally show us the motif of a full or empty cup; and within the emptiness is a void. In this darkness one can find the bliss of creation and dance into fulfillment. The fullness of too much cake with too much frosting, at first, brings the joy of taste and pleasure… only to burden the body with a belly ache,. Expressing the empty cup and enduring days of sadness will be altered by a few full pints of beer with friends and music. To ask the question,
“Is the glass half-full or half-empty?”
It is an absurd question of duality and death. It can never just be one or the other, half-full or half-empty; for it is always oscillating dualistic within the continuity of time eternally. An impossibility to answer. It will be hot and sunny or cold and foggy, fires will burn and snow will fall. This too will pass…as a body & mind feels and thinks, as a sun dies another is born, as also another pint is filled with beer into an empty pint glass…
Trilling to resound vibrantly, or with a rapid succession of sounds, as the voice, song, or laughter.
Thrilling to cause or feel a sudden intense sensation; excite greatly.
I was once enrolled in an online course for a master’s program. I found it thrilling to express myself online. My classmates were not so thrilled. I was trilling here and there; on campus and on the internet. They complained of it being too much extra work for them. The class met once a mouth, as well, to discuss and show materials as a kind of personal touch base. I enjoy the online engagement and found it more interesting than meeting in a classroom. I realized at this point that I found a place that I love. Online communications is it for me; MySpace and then Facebook after my experience with online courses. The world opened up to me. I met up with old friends and made new ones. I was reaching out to people from all around the world. I am thrilled about having access to others via the internet. During the 1980s I was was one one of the those geeks who stated to correspond on Quantum Link via the 64/ 128 Commodore computer. At the time bulletin boards were popular but very underground via the computer scene. No one really understood what I found through my Commodore commuter. Most of my friends did not have a clue and thought I was weird. I joined an online group called Midnight Mystics as a host. We went on-line at the witching hour of 12 midnight. It was a place where I found myself inside a mysterious world where I communicated with others from across the country. It was thrilling to me.
A little brief history: I co- published a music fanzine. I collaborated with others via our pox office box through a real Whittier California Post Office. We included a letter section in the magazine.. It took a couple of months to receive letters, respond to them, and publish them in the fanzine. It was a time-consuming process. I loved it. As you know, it is radically different now.
I love the film The Three Faces of Eve staring Joanne Woodward. Having multiple personality disorder has always seemed interesting to me. Her personalities are Eve White, Eve Black and Jane. I really like Eve Black because she has all the fun. She does all the things that a responsible mother and wife can not do. Eve Black goes out dancing with all the men. She goes to clubs, bars and parked cars at night. She told lies and seemed to get what she wanted such as shoes and dresses. Eve White did not know about Eve Black but Eve Black knew about her. It is sad when Eve white gets better. Jane takes over as the dominate personality and both Eve White and Eve Black melt into her as a whole person. I miss Eve Black when she dies to Jane’s personality.
My clone would be like Eve Black, the difference being, that she would be her own person. She would do all the things Holly White can’t do because of responsibilities and commitments. Holly Black would not be an evil shadow of Holly White. Holly Black would bring to life those entirely wildly romantic, silly and fun things that Holly White dreams about. Holly Black would not be shy or bashful. She would be the complementary, contrary and opposite of Holly White. Not that Holly White is boring!! Holly White and Holly Black would get along handsomely.
The clone war might start, as witnessed with some identical twins, when Holly Black starts really being her whole separate self from Holly White. Holly Black would do the things that Holly White could not get herself to do. Holly White would always be looking over her shoulder and wondering,
“What if that guy over there thinks it was me who he spent the night with instead of Holly Black?”
Human nature is a strange thing. I wonder what sort of unfulfilled dreams Holly Black would have that would be naturally different from Holly White? This too would start a clone war because what would eventually happen would be Holly White’s deepest fear. Holly Black falling in love with Holly White’s husband…
My Point being is that a clone of Holly White would be genetically the same. Yet, Holly Black would not have the same soul or spirit as Holly White. If there had to be a clone war then this is Holy White’s story.
Moral of this clone war story…
I do not like wars or the idea of clones… it is all so complicated and nature does a great job with the birds and the bees and us strange human beings… let’s not mess with it!! I think this is the message that Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley was warning us about in her novel Frankenstein.
“Lots of people I know have bootlegged tapes of performances and if they play it I will be transported back sometimes with happiness, sometimes with horror.” ~ Chris Bailey,The Saints
This image takes me back to when I was 17. My eyes are closed with an inward feeling-look upon my face. It is the feeling of a blissful heart. This picture was taken by my first boyfriend who was a semi-professional photographer, graphic artist and print man. It became a romantic nuance when he took my picture. At the time I was young, foolish and in love with him. Looking at the image my face shows reflection, mockery and beauty. Time has taken its toll. I am a survivor of one crazy life, but with continuity I can still call upon the youthful and blissful heart of my youth.
This picture takes me back to a time during the 1970’s when mom and dad were alive. This is when taking a walk with your boyfriend meant something special. I was an open blossom of life fresh as a daisy, rose or yellow dandelion.
I threw away most of all the pictures Mike took of me. This particular image was rolled up in a paper towel container. My mom saved it for me. I found it recently due to spring cleaning, thank you mom. My wild ways and rebellion, that came a few years later, did not get to this image. I destroyed all images from high school and my school books. Today I am glad to see how I once was. My body has changed and beauty has faded but I still feel the same in my heart. A blissful heart is still youthfully present. I don’t deny that anymore, not now, not ever again. As I have learned recently this is the relationship between my Maiden and my Crone.
The song below is what Mike and I listened to at that time with a little help from our friends. In the 1970s pot was everywhere and mostly free. (ya… I am not talking to my generation here but for the youngsters who may not know this..)
As you may well know…this song came later… it was fun too. Maybe punk rock was or is a kinda rebirth or something!? Yet now I can blend both parts of myself together.
s a 55-year-old woman who is in a cocoon stage of menopause, I am pulling away from the words and ways of regret. In my 30s I held on to the shoulda woulda couldas, these regrets once raced around in my mind; they went racing around in my mind and they took all energy from my life. As I melt here and reflect on life, I realize I am at a good chrysalis state of acceptance. I know my mind and heart. I know I can focus my mind on what I want to without peer pressure directing me. I know that my heart has a mind of its own and I let it do what it wants, this is creative inspiration. I write my stories, poems and angry editorials. I share my history and life. I have family, friends and mystery muses (who may not ever know who they are)! I am waiting, listening and focused. I do not hear an echo or sense a haunting of shoulda woulda couldas anymore. My ambition is null but like the purple flower from the novel, The Color Purple, I like to be noticed for my worth in this life.
“Shug: I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don’t notice it.”
For me it is walking by a praying mantis and not noticing her. That must piss-off nature something awful!!
The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.
– Thomas Paine
Over the last few months I have noticed a great deal of fraudulent activities going on. We have many local governments run by gangsters. These leading individual fools are making bad choices. Our local leaders are “wheeling and dealing” money and stealing from “the People.” This is inspired by big corporations as well. They come into a community and influence little city councils with the “big bucks.” I wonder where the honor is with our local leaders. I wonder if most individuals drawn to public office these days are badly “power-warped” from the get go.
We live in a global community more than ever before in our history as human beings. The above quote by Thomas Paine identifies the real ambition of a true public servant for “the People.” Government should be as a fine membrane; set up to maintain and service “the People.” The above quote by Paine reveals the ideals of honorable leadership of a world, a country or any spit in the wind local city government.
“To do good is my religion” is what we must hold all leaders accountable to. First our leaders must have a heart, a conscience. Second our local leaders need to understand that they are interconnected to other local governments. They are the microcosm of the macrocosm. As this applies locally, it also applies to our states and our country.
As a leader one takes on responsibility to those she or he serves. Public office must be an honor of service. This must be the same locally and to the world. Everything is interconnected. We need extraordinary ambassadors that make a vow to serve “the People” a continent, governments and countries. We do not want leaders who serve only their personal and private interests anymore!!!.
I call to the Thomas Paines of the world, countries and governments to be leaders of “goodness.” Their greatest and highest inspiration must now be, “All mankind [humanity] are my brethren.”
Cheers~ a toast to our future Leaders, our great new extraordinary Ambassadors!!
They purify the earth for My Lady.
They celebrate her in song.
They fill the table of the land with the first fruits.