Alfred E. Neuma

The last couple of days and nights have been a challenge. Now that Neptune is shooting it straight, stumbling upon an old magazine friend seems àpropos I suppose.

A Special Collector’s MAD PICS, Our Greatest Spoofs Of All Time!

I eyeballed it many times before I tossed it on the groceries. Laughing to myself I felt a delicious moment take me over. From my gloom I fell into an ol’ addiction and the jolts of humor vibrating from my belly. I was a naughty little girl again. From “the usual gang of idiots” a selection of features from Mad Magazine over the years is presented in this special edition. One of my favorites is included.

Who Knows What Evils Lurk In The Hearts Of Men? The Shadow Knows…Dave Clark’s pick.

What really got me dancing around the room like an idiot was the mistake I found in a sentence. Can you imagine?

A “big Wig” Time Home entertainment Magazine with a mistake under a well-loved Mad Magazine cartoon, shit dogs!!!!

It was the bliss of all blisses to me.

Buy it, steal it from a friend or read it at the local Smart and Final store. It is on page 17. The creator of The Shadow Knows, Sergio Aragones, writes a little essay of his pick for this magazine too. His selection is A Mad Look At Other Uses for Live Lobsters. Yes under this cartoon is the bad grammar. One can go to the first inside cover page and explore the vast editors and publishing idiots. I was smiling like everyone’s fool. Yes it was a good time to be had. A mocking mockery to all the anal editors, professors and middle school teachers that think perfection is really a solution to anything worth a damn. I mock myself too for caring too much about what they think!!

His “Lobster” article is one of my favorites and I smile ever time I have a steamed one on a plate in front me, relieved that it is in no condition to cause the kind of damage a Porges creature is capable of.

~Sergio Aragones

Yup the word you are looking for is….. OF.

hahahah..now on to Simone de Beauvoir…

45 Degree Persuasion


 “In this piece, she applies skillfully to a situation that seems born to contain it her signature piece of understanding by taking the reader on a journey of attitudes-from lofty remove to guarded self-deception to reluctant admission-that disentangles a knot of emotion as familiar as the back of any age-spotted hand.”

    Pg. 42 The Situation and the Story by Vivian Gornick

Mushy carrot 2 pi !!

When I go to the local pub it is to relax, listen to some tunes and talk a little with friends. I always have room to meet new ones, regardless of their age, religiosity, political persuasion, or weight. At the ripe old age of 64 I know for a fact that no fucking body is perfect!!! I do not insult others or try to make them feel bad about themselves.

I do react to negative comments about my friends, myself from others. I know the difference between humor, sarcasm, or intolerance. I do not try to effect a change in the angle of a guy’s carrot. I am not interested in inspiring a 45-degree angle. Sexual geometry is not my thing. When I hear comments whispered behind my back like,

I feel the discrimination of ageism and sexism. I don’t forget these comments and from whom they came.

One guy had the guts to ask me,

So, what kind of images does this bring forth for you? I was deeply enraged by this and almost punched him in the nose…but was honestly feeling good so I turned it back on him with humor. I then let him know that in the past I would have attacked him and knocked him down….

“Ha Ha…”

My father and brothers were mean like this, and I have had to deal with this type of sexism and intolerance all my life. They would go into a Trader Joe’s and would verbally judge women.

Letting women hear ever so subtlety. I always been a confrontational child and would let them know what “asses they were.”

So, the other night I was having a great time with friends at the local pub. I feel safe and respected there most of the time. Yet, the shadow punched off me with a nasty derogatory statement about my age as I was leaving the pub.

“Goodbye Grandma.”

That is OK, that is why they hire them young. Unconsciously the stupid young man will buy more beer; maybe sales are down, and they need the 45-degree persuasion to sell more beers.

I am a good friend to have regardless of my age. I like to be called a crone because I am an older woman. If you take the time to look past all the things that don’t make me fuckable or all the things you discriminate against, I have some interesting stories to share about life; antidotes that may help out a youngster like you.

Yet, if you are anything like my dad or brothers, watch out because I will be on your case. I will find you and the next time that angle will be a mushy carrot 2 pi !!


A strange shot…

A strange shot...

Thankx Mom  & Dad (a rogue wave)

“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
Guess I’ll go eat worms,
Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.”

This above picture is a strange shot, on a strange day in the strangest month … well smash July and August together. I consider them strange months, which I hate. Yet, throughout this strangeness I finally framed a watercolor of mine called the Wild Holly Hawk. Thanks go to my Mom and Dad who indirectly paid for the frame and a selection of art supplies also. Even though it took a great deal of energy and will to get in the car and drive to Aaron Brothers, I finally did it. Some nice sales in the store added to the strangeness of the day in a happy strange way too. A new frame. It was not a cheap one either. I also got another one for a penny. A magnetic frame for a cartoon; a selection from the Adventures of Mr. Fuck, who by the way is a very strange human being. Mr. Fuck and The Annoying Orange is the chosen selection.


If ya can’t have fun with your kids over silly words and expressions…ya might as well throw in the towel. ~ Mr. Shit

Meet the Flopside Family



This is not about the blue footed boobies… or is it a midnight summer dream ?


Do you like boobs a lot?

Boobs a lot boobs a lot.

Do you like boobs a lot?

Boobs a lot boobs a lot.

Of course, I did not affirm the quotes loudly. I wrote them in my journal instead. My big, beautiful boobs need the love of universal nurturing. They have passed the stage of Playboy Cover girl Photoshop.

Is it the Scotch-Irish in me or the French that has given me these glorious numbers? I remember a scene in the film American Beauty when our young heroine laughs when after all the dread and depression of her early teens of not having any boobs; then knowing that all she had to do is just wait a few years, because now she had a big pair. That was the humor of the scene.

My 8-year-old niece once told me she thought that,

“God is a giant boob in the sky dripping milk to everyone.”

We both laughed about her vision.

They are big and round.

They are all around

They are big and round.

They are all around

Going to Kaiser Permanente to have a mammogram is a real treat. Sister Sallie and I think it would be nice if the Breasts Center at Kaiser might have murals or pictures of breasts everywhere. All the various kinds. Not all breasts are big and round like mine…but most are round. I know it would be easier going through the mammogram ’wonderful glowing experience’ if I had a wide selection of ‘Boobs a lot’ to view on the walls at Kaiser. It would be humorous and human at the same time.

Anyhow, after writing the boob affirmation down in my journal I had a cosmic event happen of weird proportions. I went out to the local pub and a guy I have known, short, but a cool dude asked me,

“Having fun hanging with all the guys tonight?” As I was holding a nice fresh pint I said, “Just drinking My beer.”

Do you like boobs a lot?

Boobs a lot boobs a lot.

“Well sometimes that is all it takes, you are beautiful. I like your chest… I am a boobies’ man.” I gave him a look of inward knowing… that the affirmation worked…but he did not know this. I said with a toast,

“Cheers to the Scotch-Irish.”

Then he walked away. I felt all glowing and happy. A few years earlier I would have kicked his ass for saying what he did to me!! Funny how aging turns my anger into accepting humor? I was laughing at him. I do that a lot. Guys think they are so above the game. I have big boobs and an even bigger brain… wicked smart I am.

They are big and round.

They are all around

Do you like boobs a lot?

Boobs a lot boobs a lot.

It is a ‘new moon’ tonight and this is a loony short, embellished story about boobs a lot…

Banners from Kubrick’s exhibition or glorious rebellious madness.


Now some 30 years later his face mocks me.

Alex: What you got back home, little sister, to play your fuzzy warbles on? I bet you got little save pitiful, portable picnic players. Come with uncle and hear all proper! Hear angel trumpets and devil trombones. You are invited.

My first printing project was with a hand mechanical printing press. I took print shop as one of my class electives: leading me on to West Valley Occupational School to take a paste-up class. This training got me a job working for a short time at a local adult book publisher on Venture Blvd. I pasted page numbers on each page. They were small paperback adult books.

But, back in high school the image I printed for my first project was the face of Alex from the film A Clockwork Orange. My project was stationary with Alex saying,

“Hello my little droogs”

Holly's stationary 1975

With all of his glorious rebellious madness.

Now throughout the valley I am haunted by banners all over the place advertising the Los Angeles Museum of Art Stanley Kubrick exhibition, as  I drive along the same streets where I grew up; there is Alex’s face grinning down at me with all of his glorious rebellious madness.

Everyone in the print shop class did not have a clue to who this character was: not even the teacher.  Now some 30 years later his face mocks me. He takes me back to those beginning days of the 1970s ; to the place of that transforming rebellious power that stirred my soul.

Now I hold up a challenge. I am thinking of all the banners I now viddy around the San Fernando Valley .

I am saying this,

“Would you or could you  rip-off one of these banners for me?”

 I will make you a home cooked spaghetti dinner. 

spaghetti 3

No lie… or maybe I will buy you a brew from my favorite pub.

The point being I would do it myself but my back is not what it was, so late one night if you find yourself under such a banner of Alex… it could be done.!?

Just climb up the pole and pull it down.

Regardless I find the whole thing pretty ironically  &  mockingly…weird.


 ssToday was the day of the word hub. I define hub as a center of activity or interest; a focal point. Last night is when the word really started. A friend showed us a picture of the hub where he works. He used the word hub. I was interested in the word instantly. I have not heard it for some time but there was a little excitement in the word as he said it.

Anyway the word hub made an impression on me.

Today the word came up many times while I was reading. I will focus on three of the most interesting places the word hub emerged into my consciousness.  We call them aha moments.

I was sitting on a chair at the local Jr. College waiting for my son’s class to end. Enjoying the time near a tree I was studying my book  Jung, Synchronicity, and Human Destiny by IRA Progoff. I was intensely focused when that word popped up. I thought that was an odd word for this writer to use, this book having a copyright from Delta Books 1973.

The specific role of the archetypes in synchronistic phenomena seems to be to serve as the constellating hub of a situation across time, and to be the factor of inner orderedness that gives the distinctive set to the situation. ~ Pg. 135

Later in the day it was rather off time to be reading the Los Angeles Times but the day was running slow. My kids were playing games and Mr. Husband was hogging the computer so I turned to some news for no reason.  I read an article about the unveiling of the new park Grand Park of L.A.

To city leaders Grand Park provides this new community with much-needed open space, a respite from the grid of city life as well as a hub for community events.

Front Page Los Angeles Times, Grand Green Dream, Paragraph four.

Then believe it or not about three hours later I almost tossed the paper in the trash when by chance while separating the advertisements from the rest of the paper the LATEXTRA fell down on the couch. This tends to be my favorite part of the paper so I sat down to read it. I was totally amused when I caught sight of the article on page AA 3, Condom Measure Put On Ballot. I had to laugh when I read what Supervisor Gloria Molina said on the subject of condoms and pornography which was next to the last paragraph of this article,

It doesn’t apply to the San Fernando Valley, which I understand is the hub of where these films are made


I am now taking a breath and realizing that within the hub of understanding this word hub  I was in fact in the process of a synchronistic phenomena experiencing a hub of a word across time..

Seriously how wild is that?

(August 19th 2012… my sister told me that our Grandmother on the paternal side use to hold  her arms and hands up in the air and say “Hubba-Hubba”… and so this synchronistic phenomena has its charm )