surrender to an experience… not to drugs…

Pulmonary hypertension medicines act on the lower esophageal sphincter and cause it to relax thereby increasing the frequency of stomach contents entering the esophagus.

The above quote makes me angry. It seems no matter what doctor I see they want to put me on medicines. I know the side effects cause more problems than the hypertension itself.

Yes, it is natural after menopause, and as a woman gets older, to have high blood pressure.

Since Peri-menopause to after the doctors have been foaming at the mouth to get me on all sorts of drugs with all sorts of terrible side effects.

Some I had to take, and I am still suffering the side effects. The worst being in the throat and esophagus. I have done a few tests and they looked up me and down me… all around me.

So, they come with an unknown variable. It may be this so we will give you this fucking awful drug that will rape you on the inside. And then I was left there. Abandoned to heal from the internal cuts and bloody battle towards sanity.

I look and search for all forms of natural healing which do help sometimes.

It is a balancing act of medicine and holistic focus, and it is frustrating. I am sure I am not alone here.

As in the relationship between dentists to medical doctors. They both point at each other and say, “Ask him?”

I am my advocate… not the insurance companies …

I believe that some drugs have caused such vast trauma on our bodies, instead of truly healing them.

“…clearly shown that knowledge of the emotional functions of biological energy is indispensable for the understanding of its physical and physiological functions. The biological emotions which govern the psychic processes are themselves the direct expression of a strictly physical energy, the cosmic orgone.”

Reich, Wilhelm. The Function of the Orgasm (p. 2). Farrar, Straus, and Giroux. Kindle Edition.

Orgone is a pseudoscientific concept variously described as an esoteric energy or hypothetical universal life force.

I once had a dream where I was standing in a garden, I touched the big blossom of a flower and then reached out to the sun. I had a massive orgasm.

‘Psychic health depends upon orgastic potency, i.e., upon the degree to which one can surrender to and experience the climax of excitation in the natural sexual act.”

Reich, Wilhelm. The Function of the Orgasm (p. 6). Farrar, Straus, and Giroux. Kindle Edition.

I have come to believe that what separates us “humanity” from the rest of the living world is this ability to be in a state of ecstasy. Humanity is not in a constant state, and maybe only occasionally. The rest of the living world I think may very well be. In a continual state of flowing ecstasy. My experience felt great, but it was more than as sex act. It was not one. It was being one with the “cosmic orgone.” Yet why define it… My little spit in the wind theory.

Took me awhile to find The Function of the Orgasm a book from the past to help me understand an experience in our current time.

 (Wilhelm Reich, 24 March 1897 – 3 November 1957, An Austrian Doctor of Medicine and Psychoanalyst who studied with Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung.)

I am still studying this and of course it is based on my illness yet maybe someone who may read this may get some relief too.

The trauma still holds to my throat as a reminder … and I want to heal its frozen hold. Dreams are a great way to get some good freedom…