Category Archives: the Esoteric heart beat…

We must explore!

The Naked Grace…


These times are asking us to go within. Over the generations we have taken this journey within. By choice, by accident and spiritually. Through drugs, side effects from prescribed medication or by magic.

A song can amplify this reality. A writer can share the experience. Songs filled with lyrics are poetry put to music. The images come forth and touch us. These three songs came to mind today when I was out in the garden pulling tall grass from the rich soil. It all came together. The dark earth holds things. Pulling on the grass and releasing the soil is a forward effort of movement. The dark moist earth has a relationship with our psyches.

I believe that unless we willfully take this inward journey as an individual it will be forced upon us. On a personal level or a generational level is how it goes. Anytime we suppress our shadow, blame others, or spread hate it is bound to a generation. Are we not observing this right now? Songs can help us. I need them like I need flowers in my garden or kitty cats to hug.

Here are three songs that explain this journey variable. From the 1960s Catch the Wind by Donovan is a peaceful song.  Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo is an amazing song that shares some interesting historical mysteries.  The Forbidden Zone by Charged GBH, one dose and you take their hand into a strange journey of a musician’s psyche.

♦Donovan is an unusual songwriter and folk singer that touches upon the light side of our psyche. He reminds us to remember the beauty in life. It is around us and in us if we go looking for it. Our psyches do often look back at us. We can reflect on this soft beauty from time to time.

“When sundown pales the sky

I want to hide a while

Behind your smile

And everywhere I would look, your eyes I’d find.”

♦Oingo Boingo’s song is remarkably interesting and worth listening to intensely. As a young punk back in the late 1970s I had an Oingo Boingo badge on my jacket. I was approached by a couple of punk chicks who mocked me and belittled me for wearing it. A time when the first signs of punk cultism started to show its ugly face.

“I was struck by lighting, walkin’ down the street

I was hit by something last night in my sleep

It’s a dead man’s party who could ask for more

Everybody’s comin’, leave your body at the door

Leave your body and soul at the door.”

“For Crowley, who was a painter himself, the artist ranked above the magician on the totem pole of illumination, and he considered poetry and art as precious tools for transforming one’s innermost psychic visions.” Chapter Spencer Kansa, Pg. 92 Wormwood Star, The Magickal Life of Marjorie Cameron.

♥A wild journey inward to the shadowy psyche is found in the book City Baby from Highgate to Hawaii… Life, and GBH by Ross Lomas.

“This went on for hours. More and more of the same. It was incredibly intense. God and Jimi and Anne Carpenter and the devil and the fucking taxi driver, fighting over my soul right up to the point I passed out in exhaustion.” ~ Chapter neil sedaka, Pg. 120.

“Take my hand and we’ll explore,

The forbidden zone.

When you’re in your own tree,

But don’t know if anybodys home.”

Jimi Hendrix was playing guitar while Anne was a nun of salvation may show us that his journey was amplified by many elements as a fight for his soul. When the shadow opens to us it is always a powerful trip. I find that Ross most likely is stronger for his experience. A bite like this prepares us for real outward tragedies as we are facing today.




It turns me on. Enough said

I love this picture that my son took of me. It is that time when I united the male and female within me.


I was reading that Indian Gurus’ overall goal is to unite all religions of the world. They also talk about a united male female god. This is very simplistic I know. Also, the religions of the world have tended to be very male oriented. As most cultures or all cultures for the last two thousand years. As a religious studies major in college, BA and Masters, I always had a thorn in my side. With in-depth Jungian Psychology I have found the answers to many of my concerns. For me it was uniting the masculine and feminine within myself, or in Jungian terms the anima and animus.

I have a “hard-on” for life. Even within the diversity of life right now. I can’t help getting one when I see flowers in bloom and the whole of nature in a type of rapture. Welcome Spring. It is not the male kind of hard-on but it something inside. Not sexual but very blissful-orgasmic at times

Now I try to feel it as often as I can. When I get the hard-on for life. Flowers blooming, a song, my friends all help to amplify this experience.

It is ironical for me to have these feelings while also having to balance it out with my compassion for what we are all going through now. I know it is a dark time, a real challenge for all of us in different ways.

I am mindful of those suffering. They are not alone when we think upon them. I have love in my home that comforts me.

Also, the human Ego is my friend. I think that males and females have a different relationship with their Egos. I feel males need to let their Egos float downstream a little. I think females should ride their Egos. It is good to be admired as it is to admire another. I like the feeling of appreciation as well as when I feel the feelings of appreciation for another.


As a female riding her Ego it is like riding in a canoe. Sometimes the river is smooth and glossy. Other times it is a prissy fucking nightmare. Yet we need to express our realities to the world as I am doing here.


Jupiter



The Nasty woman is me.

The Nasty Woman and the

Smörgåsbord of words and feelings… some very nasty…. like me.

“In his late works , he embodied these and other ills in the nightmare ridden figure of the cosmic giant Albion, or universal humanity, who has fallen in to deadly sleep of mundane existence. In humanity’s coma, the divine is a remote and forbidding sky-god: nature a sterile heap of atoms, lovers and family members, enemies; and one’s own innermost being, an unrecognized alien.” 

~Blake’s Poetry & Designs ` A Norton Critical Edition.

I realize I am being confrontational, nasty and outrageous. It is that two-week time as we move into the autumnal equinox. I hate this time of transition, but I love autumn.


Today I had to get gas on the way to where I was going. This local gas station charged me a 30 cents gas fee. Yet this is the normal way to skim the top and make a lot of money off millions of poor people. I remember when gas stations had attendants pour the gas, check the oil and fill the car tires. It was service with a smile.

I wish one of these monster gas companies would be brave and bring the service attendants back. They could collect the cash and we could give them the service charge… instead of a fucking machine.

Every time we take away a person’s job and replace them with a machine, we become less human.

I went into the mini-market and the cashier, who seemed to be acting as an employe,  knew nothing about the fee and said,

“I don’t know why you are asking about it. You are the only one that cares? No one else has asked about it.”

I looked at her silently and squarely.

“You should know about it and all the things around you here. I must pay a fee and it is dirty filthy outside around the gas tanks. I remember the day…”

A man came forward and interrupted our conversation and the cashier looked away.

“Excuse us,” I said. “We are talking.”

I used a figure to point to the cashier and me.

“Grumble, “said the man under his breath.

I left telling the cashier she should lose her job for not knowing anything.

Then I came home to find standing outside my home a strange older man smoking a cigarette.

“Are you waiting for someone,” I said.

“No.”

“Then why did you park here?”

The street had no other cars around. He then looked up at the tree. I then asked him to please move his car I needed to part our truck there. He seemed nice enough for not having a reason for being there besides smoking a cigarette. We talked back and forth.

“We have had issues with drug dealers around here,” I said.

He soon left and I moved the truck out. I know I was being ridiculous. I thought it strange that he would get out of his car with his cell home in hand to smoke a cigarette under our lovely olive tree. I did say to him.

“I don’t like the smell of cigarettes and I am sure the tree doesn’t either.”

I think upon a poem I wrote that I have changed a bit.

Any time of the year but now it is moving into the Autumn poem.

Green-gold olives

This eve
I take my broom
Last ray of sun is dead here …
it is real…

The shy clouds hide stars
Only the Moon, Jupiter and Saturn shine their breastplates.
Of radiant light…

I take my broom to the front of our home into the dustpan goes
Dry brown and yellow
Pointy olive leaves and hard green-gold olives…

Into the waste bin… away away.
Goes all the thoughts of this day
Of a wooing Crone…
Looking around as I sweep and bend

For any Fay to show their haunting ways 
In the clouds sailing on the night or
Upon the grasping arms of the olive tree. 
Queen of Elphame mocks me
As I move quickly and consistently,
I call her Sabrina…

How symbolic have I become?
Wild movement… yet strangely calm.
Sweet sweat dripping
My dusty perfume…

I do as many an old Crone
Sweeping clean the front of their home
At this transforming time.
Today I am a nasty one...

 

 

 

 

Resilient

“Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence.” ― William Blake


fire monster pic by Hudley

burnt tree pic by Hudley

return of mustard greens pic by Hudley


It was terrifying living through the California fires. I took a picture across the street then of what I see as a fire monster. At least it looks like one. The fires approached so close to our home.

When Spring came so did the Monarch butterflies. A flying path over our home called us to visit the burned hills. I was beside myself with wonder. How resilient nature is.  I know these hills well, and I saw blooming flowers I had never seen before. A multitude of creatures and fresh green hills. Roadrunners and rabbits have also returned.



Purple mystery flowers from the Santa Monica HIlls. Pic by Hudley


Today I study the ideal of contraries. It is part of who we are as human beings and nature and the cosmos. I cannot think of a better quote then William Blake’s above to understand what we are going through right now. I want to share a hopeful part of nature as well.  Contrary as is may seem now. It is a dependable pattern we can trust.



In its highest sense.

To my friend Dionysus

“According to Jung, humanity holds a special role in creation: to contribute to the act of consciousness, and the point of view of morality, in its highest sense.” ~ Johnson, Robert A. Ecstasy (p. 64) Harper One. Kindle Edition.


Uranus and Jupiter at the threshold…

A Muse named Urania watercolor by Hudley


OK to take this into concurrence, my mind is filled with an old image and a song. I can not keep them from speaking so I will post about them.


Appreciating and Celebrating Earth | HeartMath Institute

 

 

Appreciating and Celebrating Earth | HeartMath Institute
— Read on www.heartmath.org/resources/videos/appreciating-and-celebrating-earth/

Mindfulness and Raven

“… but rather that it is the intangible things that imprint on us and we imprint on others that are most important… allow that magic to spread to your soul and enlighten you spiritually.” ~ Bear Medicine Walker / omtimes.com

Often our lessons in life come through illness. We all go through these experiences. As well as our ancestors, loved ones and friends have. My illness has taught me a mindfulness of others who have gone through similar experiences. A family member or a friend that went through illness and died. Wasn’t it Madam Blavatsky who said, “We have neither friends nor enemies only teachers?”

An illness may be only a physiological illness, but I am experiencing mine as more. My illness is in the area of my heart. It is in my lungs and esophagus. The area of our hearts and lungs are what connect us to our friends, family and ancestors. As practicing mindfulness, it is helping me to see that all relationships are what Madam Blavatsky taught. Also, that we all have a dark and light side.

Today I am writing an essay about two people who were, and still are, a big part of my life. I experienced their dark side and light side. Their joy and sadness are with me. I am hoping that this Tibetan Buddhism subtle mindfulness will help my two relationships that have passed on. In return helping me to let go of resentments and promote healing. As Raven from the Native American Medicine Wheel teaches, “Be strong, have faith and remember within all things are lessons and positives.”

Today my mindfulness is focused on two relationships, my longtime girlfriend Lynn and my oldest brother Steven Jarva . Both were independent, shy and creative people. They both had an addiction. Lynn died of an overdose before she turned 50. Steven Jarva was an alcoholic and I was not close to him when he died so I do not know what illness killed him in his early 70s.

I am sad they are gone.

Now for the good part of this story.  They both caused me pain, stress and unhappiness. They also brought me so much fun, joy and love. This also is a mindfulness of how they experienced me in life.

Lynn and I grew up playing as a profession. We were wild as the wind. Later in life she drove me and some other friends to high school every day.  She had a little brown VW Bug. She always had a tape of Crosby Stills Nash and Young on her cassette car radio.

Steven Jarva was my brother who I looked up to as a kid. He was 11 years older than I was. I painfully watched as he left our home at 18. He was a movie extra for years. He was a lady’s man and sailed on his own sailboat to Hawaii. He was a licensed scuba diving instructor. He took me sailing and I sat on the front tip or the ‘stuck.’.  Flying on the waves as a seagull. He had a Ford Falcon that he raced when he was younger. I learned about the Beatles listing to his 8-track tape of Rubber Soul while he worked on the engine with his cute friends.

That is it…. mindfulness…

 


 

Inanna’s Trinity or allegory of Venus’ retrograde.

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The article below was written April 2019. I found it relative to Spring yet a new perspective has altered my attention and so I will amplify the meaning. I like to keep my posts current if I can.

“On June 3rd, 2020 Venus retrograde is conjunct the Sun. This is when a new 584-day Venus cycle begins.

This is also when Venus transforms from an evening star into a morning star.

Venus goes retrograde less than any other planet, but when it does, it touches us to the core of our heart.

Venus retrograde is similar to a descent into the underworld: a part of us must die so that a new version of ourselves can emerge.

The myth of Inanna’ descent into the underworld is nothing else but an allegory of Venus’ retrograde”

Venus Retrograde In Gemini 2020 – What To Expect


“But when women succeed in maintaining themselves against the animus, instead of allowing themselves to be devoured by it, then it ceases to be only a danger and becomes a creative power. We women need this  power, for, strange as it seems, only when this masculine entity becomes an integrated part of the soul and carried on its proper  function, and, at the same time, also being herself, to fulfill her individual human destiny.”

Pg. 42 Animus and Anima; Two Essays by Emma Jung.

Based on the ancient story of Inanna from the book Inanna by Diane Wolkstein

 

From Winter to Spring (Summer) real change happens. The death of Winter and the rebirth of Spring. We now symbolically descend to the underworld as we approach winter.

Symbolically and esoterically the resurrection of Christ Jesus after three days in the underworld, the release of Prometheus by Chiron, and the release of Persephone from the underworld are the promises of Spring to come. As change and growth are availed

But now Persephone spends 6 months with Pluto away from her mother Demeter.

Another ancient or popular story is the one of Inanna the Goddess of love, Queen of Heaven and Earth.

The story holds the feminine trinity. It is a cuneiform Sumer texts about 3000 years old.

The characters of this story are Inanna Goddess of love, Queen of Heaven and Earth, Ereshkigal~ Queen of the Underworld, and Lilith ~ the dark rebel adolescent of Inanna. The feminine trinity.

In the Inanna story we also find a similar part as with Persephone’s story where Inanna’s king Dumuzi as the shepherd king of Uruk spends 6 months in the underground.

“His heart was filled with tears, the shepherd’s heart was filled with tears, Dumuzi’s heart was filled with tears.”

The wisdom god Enki helps Inanna from the underground.

“He creates from the dirt of his fingernails the kurgarra and galatur- instinctual, asexual creatures who will not disturb the necessary infertility rules of the kur. He endows the creatures with the artistic and empathetic taken of being professional mourners, capable of mirroring the lonely queen’s emotions.” Pg. 160.

Also interesting in this ancient trinity is the place of Lilith. Here a different perspective of her is offered.

“The powerful Lilith of Inanna’s adolescent days had to be sent away so Inanna’s life exploring talents could be developed. But now that Inanna has become queen of her city, wife to her beloved, mother of her children, she is more able to face what she has neglected and feared: the instinctual wounded, frightened parts of herself. She now hears, and capable of responding to, the labor call of Ereshkigal ~The Great Below.”

Pg. 160 Inanna by Diane Wolkstein.


A rendering Of the Inanna’s Trinity or allegory of Venus’ retrograde


God of Wisdom and Shepard King

 

“He creates from the dirt of his fingernails the Kurgarra, the food of life, and Galatur the water of life.

 


Inanna’s Trinity

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Goddess of Love, Queen of Heaven and Earth


Queen of the Underworld

 


Dark Rebel and Adolescent of Inanna