The Nasty woman is me.

The Nasty Woman and the

Smörgåsbord of words and feelings… some very nasty…. like me.

“In his late works , he embodied these and other ills in the nightmare ridden figure of the cosmic giant Albion, or universal humanity, who has fallen in to deadly sleep of mundane existence. In humanity’s coma, the divine is a remote and forbidding sky-god: nature a sterile heap of atoms, lovers and family members, enemies; and one’s own innermost being, an unrecognized alien.” 

~Blake’s Poetry & Designs ` A Norton Critical Edition.

I realize I am being confrontational, nasty and outrageous. It is that two-week time as we move into the autumnal equinox. I hate this time of transition, but I love autumn.


Today I had to get gas on the way to where I was going. This local gas station charged me a 30 cents gas fee. Yet this is the normal way to skim the top and make a lot of money off millions of poor people. I remember when gas stations had attendants pour the gas, check the oil and fill the car tires. It was service with a smile.

I wish one of these monster gas companies would be brave and bring the service attendants back. They could collect the cash and we could give them the service charge… instead of a fucking machine.

Every time we take away a person’s job and replace them with a machine, we become less human.

I went into the mini-market and the cashier, who seemed to be acting as an employe,  knew nothing about the fee and said,

“I don’t know why you are asking about it. You are the only one that cares? No one else has asked about it.”

I looked at her silently and squarely.

“You should know about it and all the things around you here. I must pay a fee and it is dirty filthy outside around the gas tanks. I remember the day…”

A man came forward and interrupted our conversation and the cashier looked away.

“Excuse us,” I said. “We are talking.”

I used a figure to point to the cashier and me.

“Grumble, “said the man under his breath.

I left telling the cashier she should lose her job for not knowing anything.

Then I came home to find standing outside my home a strange older man smoking a cigarette.

“Are you waiting for someone,” I said.

“No.”

“Then why did you park here?”

The street had no other cars around. He then looked up at the tree. I then asked him to please move his car I needed to part our truck there. He seemed nice enough for not having a reason for being there besides smoking a cigarette. We talked back and forth.

“We have had issues with drug dealers around here,” I said.

He soon left and I moved the truck out. I know I was being ridiculous. I thought it strange that he would get out of his car with his cell home in hand to smoke a cigarette under our lovely olive tree. I did say to him.

“I don’t like the smell of cigarettes and I am sure the tree doesn’t either.”

I think upon a poem I wrote that I have changed a bit.

Any time of the year but now it is moving into the Autumn poem.

Green-gold olives

This eve
I take my broom
Last ray of sun is dead here …
it is real…

The shy clouds hide stars
Only the Moon, Jupiter and Saturn shine their breastplates.
Of radiant light…

I take my broom to the front of our home into the dustpan goes
Dry brown and yellow
Pointy olive leaves and hard green-gold olives…

Into the waste bin… away away.
Goes all the thoughts of this day
Of a wooing Crone…
Looking around as I sweep and bend

For any Fay to show their haunting ways 
In the clouds sailing on the night or
Upon the grasping arms of the olive tree. 
Queen of Elphame mocks me
As I move quickly and consistently,
I call her Sabrina…

How symbolic have I become?
Wild movement… yet strangely calm.
Sweet sweat dripping
My dusty perfume…

I do as many an old Crone
Sweeping clean the front of their home
At this transforming time.
Today I am a nasty one...

 

 

 

 

Resilient

“Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence.” ― William Blake


fire monster pic by Hudley
burnt tree pic by Hudley
return of mustard greens pic by Hudley

It was terrifying living through the California fires. I took a picture across the street then of what I see as a fire monster. At least it looks like one. The fires approached so close to our home.

When Spring came so did the Monarch butterflies. A flying path over our home called us to visit the burned hills. I was beside myself with wonder. How resilient nature is.  I know these hills well, and I saw blooming flowers I had never seen before. A multitude of creatures and fresh green hills. Roadrunners and rabbits have also returned.



Purple mystery flowers from the Santa Monica HIlls. Pic by Hudley

Today I study the ideal of contraries. It is part of who we are as human beings and nature and the cosmos. I cannot think of a better quote then William Blake’s above to understand what we are going through right now. I want to share a hopeful part of nature as well.  Contrary as is may seem now. It is a dependable pattern we can trust.



Mindfulness and Raven

“… but rather that it is the intangible things that imprint on us and we imprint on others that are most important… allow that magic to spread to your soul and enlighten you spiritually.” ~ Bear Medicine Walker / omtimes.com

Raven
Raven Medicine https://www.pinterest.com/whytte/dream-catchers-mandalas-shields-medicine-wheels-fe/

Often our lessons in life come through illness. We all go through these experiences. As well as our ancestors, loved ones and friends have. My illness has taught me a mindfulness of others who have gone through similar experiences. A family member or a friend that went through illness and died. Wasn’t it Madam Blavatsky who said, “We have neither friends nor enemies only teachers?”

An illness may be only a physiological illness, but I am experiencing mine as more. My illness is in the area of my heart. It is in my lungs and esophagus. The area of our hearts and lungs are what connect us to our friends, family and ancestors. As practicing mindfulness, it is helping me to see that all relationships are what Madam Blavatsky taught. Also, that we all have a dark and light side.

Today I am writing an essay about two people who were, and still are, a big part of my life. I experienced their dark side and light side. Their joy and sadness are with me. I am hoping that this Tibetan Buddhism subtle mindfulness will help my two relationships that have passed on. In return helping me to let go of resentments and promote healing. As Raven from the Native American Medicine Wheel teaches, “Be strong, have faith and remember within all things are lessons and positives.”

Today my mindfulness is focused on two relationships, my longtime girlfriend Lynn and my oldest brother Steven Jarva . Both were independent, shy and creative people. They both had an addiction. Lynn died of an overdose before she turned 50. Steven Jarva was an alcoholic and I was not close to him when he died so I do not know what illness killed him in his early 70s.

I am sad they are gone.

Now for the good part of this story.  They both caused me pain, stress and unhappiness. They also brought me so much fun, joy and love. This also is a mindfulness of how they experienced me in life.

Lynn and I grew up playing as a profession. We were wild as the wind. Later in life she drove me and some other friends to high school every day.  She had a little brown VW Bug. She always had a tape of Crosby Stills Nash and Young on her cassette car radio.

Steven Jarva was my brother who I looked up to as a kid. He was 11 years older than I was. I painfully watched as he left our home at 18. He was a movie extra for years. He was a lady’s man and sailed on his own sailboat to Hawaii. He was a licensed scuba diving instructor. He took me sailing and I sat on the front tip or the ‘stuck.’.  Flying on the waves as a seagull. He had a Ford Falcon that he raced when he was younger. I learned about the Beatles listing to his 8-track tape of Rubber Soul while he worked on the engine with his cute friends.

That is it…. mindfulness…

 


 

Inanna’s Trinity

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Inanna arose


“But when women succeed in maintaining themselves against the animus, instead of allowing themselves to be devoured by it, then it ceases to be only a danger and becomes a creative power. We women need this  power, for, strange as it seems, only when this masculine entity becomes an integrated part of the soul and carried on its proper  function, and, at the same time, also being herself, to fulfill her individual human destiny.”

Pg. 42 Animus and Anima; Two Essays by Emma Jung.

——-

Based on the ancient story of Inanna from the book Inanna by Diane Wolkstein


From Winter to Spring (Summer) real change happens. The death of Winter and the rebirth of Spring. We now symbolically descend to the underworld as we approach winter.

Symbolically and esoterically the resurrection of Christ Jesus after three days in the underworld, the release of Prometheus by Chiron, and the release of Persephone from the underworld are the promises of Spring to come. As change and growth are availed

But now Persephone spends 6 months with Pluto away from her mother Demeter.

Another ancient or popular story is the one of Inanna the Goddess of love, Queen of Heaven and Earth.

The story holds the feminine trinity. It is a cuneiform Sumer texts about 3000 years old.

The characters of this story are Inanna Goddess of love, Queen of Heaven and Earth, Ereshkigal~ Queen of the Underworld, and Lilith ~ the dark rebel adolescent of Inanna. The feminine trinity.

In the Inanna story we also find a similar part as with Persephone’s story where Inanna’s king Dumuzi as the shepherd king of Uruk spends 6 months in the underground.

“His heart was filled with tears, the shepherd’s heart was filled with tears, Dumuzi’s heart was filled with tears.”

The wisdom god Enki helps Inanna from the underground.

“He creates from the dirt of his fingernails the kurgarra and galatur- instinctual, asexual creatures who will not disturb the necessary infertility rules of the kur. He endows the creatures with the artistic and empathetic taken of being professional mourners, capable of mirroring the lonely queen’s emotions.” Pg. 160.

Also interesting in this ancient trinity is the place of Lilith. Here a different perspective of her is offered.

“The powerful Lilith of Inanna’s adolescent days had to be sent away so Inanna’s life exploring talents could be developed. But now that Inanna has become queen of her city, wife to her beloved, mother of her children, she is more able to face what she has neglected and feared: the instinctual wounded, frightened parts of herself. She now hears, and capable of responding to, the labor call of Ereshkigal ~The Great Below.”

Pg. 160 Inanna by Diane Wolkstein.


A rendering of Inanna’s Trinity


God of Wisdom and Shepard King

 

“He creates from the dirt of his fingernails the Kurgarra, the food of life, and Galatur the water of life.

Inanna’s Trinity

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Goddess of Love, Queen of Heaven and Earth

Queen of the Underworld

 


Dark Rebel and Adolescent of Inanna

 





Flowing Myrrh

Sandro Botticelli (Alessandro di Mariano di Vanni Filipepi) (1445 � 1510)
La Derelitta

I slept but my heart was awake.
Listen! My beloved is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my darling,
my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
my hair with the dampness of the night.”
I have taken off my robe—
 must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
must I soil them again?
My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
my heart began to pound for him.
I arose to open for my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
on the handles of the bolt.
I opened for my beloved,
but my beloved had left; he was gone.
My heart sank at his departure. [a]
I looked for him but did not find him.
I called him but he did not answer.
The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me;
they took away my cloak,
those watchmen of the walls!
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—
if you find my beloved,
what will you tell him?
Tell him I am faint with love.

Song of Solomon 5: 1-8

myrrh



 

a niche for the conscious feminine

Sunflowers and pomegranates by Hudley


“But now women need to create structures  in their lives and in society which ensure a niche for the conscious feminine. It is  time to explode the fallacy that men and women are the same. Being equal does not mean having to be similar. Perhaps the time has come when we can afford to be different yet equal.”

Rescuing the Feminine. The problems of the Animus in Women by Jasbinder Garnermann.