“Write in recollection and amazement for yourself.”
-Jack Kerouac
Books tell us things about introverts and then computers came along, the internet and social media. The shy ones broke free. People tell me that they cannot use Zoom because they don’t have a computer.
I see as they communicate on Facebook or Instagram. Applications go anywhere and there too. These are just the basics too.
Having a kitchen full of projects cooking on the back burner I like to stop and reflect.
7: When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?
It came to my focus outside and was made from a drip on water. I looked upon the water stars in the pool. Looking like shooting stars these patterns of the water are remarkable to look at. I authored a poem or two about them before.
A natural pattern of repetition, often bringing forth ancient symbols that show up throughout antiquity.
Outside in my garden by Hudley
Before the internet or computers or social media or Ancient Aliens and all the characters who we know so well now. I had to go to the library and look up books in a catalog. During the search for understanding I flowered towards an esoteric path. I went back to college. I studied strange and interesting sacred texts.
Yet between ufology and my religiosity I never understood what I did experience. Was it a UFO experience, was it an initiation, or was it my psyche reaching up from my unconscious to become conscious? Can it all be explained by a mathematical equation based on artificial intelligence? Maybe differential equations?
31: Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades, or loose the bands of Orion?
It happened at home where I grew up. It was in the boy’s room. A place that was once an old garage converted into a place for the guys in my family to play pool, sleep and just be. It was beholding to an old player piano that was haunted by my grandmother.
What I liked best about the room was the sound of the rain on the rooftop or the wind and when it howled outside.
As time passed it became a forgotten room. When visiting my parents in my teens I would sleep there on the ground in a sleeping bag. Sometimes to escape an often-challenging world I had become part of.
It was a night like this when I awoke to something tapping on a window from the outside. This was an east window over the hillside. I listened to it for some time. Then in walked a person that invited me to the window.
“Hurry, Hurry there has been a plane crash. We need your help.”
Flying over the San Fernando Valley took only a push from the window to the night sky. We were flying together like Peter Pan and Wendy.
As we approached the airplane crash it seems more of a UFO. A ship that was landed. I was guided towards the door. It opened and there was a small alien being dressed in a white robe with jewels.
A bean of light came from the being to my brain. The being, (what I now understand as downloading but didn’t know then) had many different images, symbols, words, and colors fill my being until I thought I would explode.
I can say now the being had a light on my brain and was transferring data.
“Stop, please stop… I cannot take this anymore!”
It stopped and we flew back to the window. I laid down to sleep.
It was much later in life that I found Jacques Vallee and others who help me understand my mythological, scientific, religious or UFO experience.
Getting back to the “patterns of the water … as a natural pattern of repetition, often bringing forth ancient symbols that show up throughout antiquity,”
I can affirm that whatever happened happens often. It is in the simple parts of my life that the downloaded information reveals itself to me. A poem, film Noir, a song, or maybe a friend.
It is not a problem for me anymore but just part of life as knowing things and not knowing why—an intricate dance of understanding and mystery. Of seeing a reflection of a small link of lights from my hearth which often beam across and reflect upon a small circular mirror, creating a mesmerizing display akin to seven bright stars twinkling in the night sky.
These reflections remind me of the lovely jewels known as the Pleiades, a cluster so beautifully scattered across the cosmos that they evoke a sense of wonder and nostalgia, whispering tales of ancient myths and the countless dreams held within their radiant glow.
As I sit in quiet contemplation, the gentle flicker of the flames and the shimmering light create a symphony of warmth and serenity, weaving together the threads of memory, hope, and the endless search for meaning in the universe around me.
“There was nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep on rolling under the stars.”
Hudley Flipside | Punk Rock Colleague • Historian • Archivist
Pat Fear and Other Stories
A few autumns ago, I spent a quiet evening at home, wrapped in a soft blanket under the gentle living room lights. The steady hum of the news created a familiar, calming backdrop.
The mood briefly lightens when the narrator sees Secretary of State Antony J. Blinken unexpectedly playing guitar at the White House—a reminder that even prominent public figures have playful moments.
As the broadcast continues, the mood shifts when the familiar figures of friends Bill, Dennis, and Mike appear, lively and urging the narrator to “fight for their rights.” Their ghostly visit is both comforting and thought-provoking, blending humor with deeper reflection.
The experience leads the narrator to reflect on lasting friendships as memories of shared conversations and laughter return, filling the evening with nostalgia.
This blend of companionship and introspection shows how friends continue to influence us despite physical absence. In this comfortable setting, past conversations merge with the present, underscoring the enduring bonds between those still here and those who have departed.
The evening becomes a time of remembrance and reflection, affirming that pursuing rights involves not only advocacy but also honoring the relationships that continue to shape our lives.
My talk today is a comparison essay about three characters from the early punk rock scene. A punk rock GHOST Special!
Dennis Danell, the original bass player for the punk rock band Social Distortion, Pat Fear, the eminent singer and guitarist of the mockery punk band White Flag, and Mike Conley, the vocalist of the renowned punk band MIA, are notable figures in the punk rock scene.
I call them the PUNK HUB MASTERS
To move my essay into the realm of where I am looking from, I will be using a concept from my favorite psychologist Carl Gustav Jung. Now for a short Jungian psychology concept.
“The specific role of the archetype in synchronization-phenomena seems to be to serve as or constellation hub of a situation across time, and to be the factor of [inner order] that gives this distinctive set to the situation.”
Punk rock is a phenomenon which created a situation of order as a constellation or hub. A hub is a focal point a center around which other things revolve from which things radiate. I am applying this concept to the origin of punks and to punk rock…
We were nobodies of the underground, sitting on a youthful explosion, that was a riptide of good-fella punk friends. The early individual punks found each other through the hubs we created. Back in the late 70s and throughout the 80s, as you know the punk scene created a network of hubs that worked independently from each other yet depended on each other to sustain the punk scene. Examples of hubs were Fanzines such as We Got Power or Flipside Fanzine.
Also, every punk band had its own hub. Record labels, music recording studios and record store hubs. The major places to make the scene!
Such as Licorice pizza, ZEDS, Tower Records and Moby Disk Records and our own Whittier Record hub Lovells Records. Without forgetting the college and underground radio program hubs where the innovative music played. These were the greatest of supportive hubs such as Pat Hoed’s Adam Bomb (KXLU), Stella Stray POP and Rodney on KROQ.
The major hub that brought us all together was an amazing force known as gigs. The garage to Club 88, the Masque to the Whisky A go go and beyond. Where the fans, bands and promoters met! The focal point here was the paper flyer. These papers were handed out at gigs. Unique band flyers with local and logo band art. Mostly Xerox copies. Xerox machines a revolutionary major hub for the punk scene. The US Mail and the ring ring telephone press buttons or circular dial extenuated the positive communication hub…remember? Punks spent a great deal of time alone…creating, practicing, and thinking in our own hubs! Coming together via shows, the phone, and the mail.
This is where the hub masters such as Denis, Pat, and Mike were found. They shined there. They masterly brought all the HUBS together. These three punks were genius hub masters. Networking was their punk underground gift, and they are authentic examples of the early punk rock phenomenon. Dennis, Pat, and Mike are a part of the Southern California punk scene.
They influenced a generation of fans and often are not known or acknowledged for their influence. They infected my little hub of a bedroom converted into a fanzine office. I often felt overwhelmed working on Flipside and under a big wave of stuff always about ready to crash. These guys showed me the skills of synchronizing things together. Making it seem easy.
Punk Hub Master: Dennis Danell
Punk Hub Master: Dennis Danell
I first saw Dennis when I was living with my sister in Fullerton Orange County. It was 1978. I was working at a local Dry-Cleaning Business as a cashier. Staffing on Flipside Fanzine on the side. He was riding a sting-ray bike sporting a spike haircut.
At that time, he was unique. We were speaking the same language. I looked similar with my partial shaved hairdo with orange hair color. A year later we met at the scene and became friends.
Dennis taught me loyalty of friendship. I witnessed his expansive heart that made his band stay tight. This is the work of the hub master. Dennis still visits me in my dreams.
Always polite, honest, and his happy Dizzy self. He had the ability of synchronizing punks together in a charming way. He will not ever be taken for granted. He was at the right place at the right time.
I will read some quotes from Flipside 20 A Social Distortion interview. I feel these short quotes embrace his character.
“Dennis: We wanna sound like no one else, We wanna sound like us!!”
“Dennis: Tommie’s chilly burgers. I ate one of those and didn’t have to eat for 2 days and I was shitting for 3 weeks!”
Dennis Danell (rip), Mad Dog (rip), Mike Ness and Tony Reflex
OC Kids image by “The man from MONK” (rip).
Hub Master: Pat Fear.
As you know Pat was a force to deal with. He lived in Riverside which was not far from Whittier Ca where Flipside Fanzine was based. Flipside put out a few music vinyl fanzines on Flipside / Gasatanka Records. Pat was the hub master and helped bring it all together. Was it only a few years ago I argued on Facebook about his hate for Sahara Palin? I would ask him to slow down and redirect his energy.
White Flag played a show with the Simpletons around 2008. They played a Saints Song, Demolition Girl. A nice dedication to me. Yet that was Pat… he always tried to make his friends happy. He was humorous in an irritating and funny way. He had the gift of inclusion. He is a constellation hub across time which brings us all here together today.
I will read some quotes by White Flag Tape 6 Flipside Music Fanzine. I will try to read them the way White Flag said them. Pat Fear’s high degree of sarcasm.
This is a White Flag moment.
“What is the purpose of White Flag?”
“To create an illusion of creativity. Because we are too good to be believed.”
“White Flag is a band that’s done everything done before… but better.” “There are two kinds of people in the world, people who are in White Flag and all those who wish they were.”
“White Flag is more than just a band it is a concept of how to live your life.”
“We look like women, talk like men, and play like mother fuckers. (Twisted sister quote.)”
Pat wrote a theme song for our video fanzines. I would like to share a short description from our catalog describing the beginning of Flipside Video Number Two,
“Now if you want to see the good old video monster in action you just got to catch this video. So, if you get it, and put it in your VCR, you might just die. Because the opening Flipside Video Number Two is the band White Flag. Gutsy and pure, Pat Fear will knock your block off while he plays guitar for the opening theme song called “Flipside” with backup singers including some Redd Kross members and one Bangle member …”
“I’ll Blow You a Kiss in the Wind” by Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart … seeing Steven McDonald from Redd Kross, who does a brilliant cover, I imagined Pat Fear singing the song on top of the dinning table before us… giving a ghostly performance!
I enjoyed seeing many gathered thinking about a unique wild guy who brought friends and colleagues together today!
Also .. Pat Smear affirmed what I knew but don’t hear often enough that Becky Barton (Donna Rhia) was the first drummer of the Germs. “Where is she now?”
A very enjoyable afternoon/ evening! Thanks Tony!
The Old Spaghetti Factory, October 22/23
Tony. B Band the Adolescents, Cake ( Carlos Numez) 1990s Flipside Fanzine crew, Pat Smear the Germs and beyond, David Markey We Got Power Fanzine and beyond, Don Bolles the Germs and out of this world beyond.
Hub Master: Mike Conley
It was great to promote many bands and enjoy time with friends Mike and Nick. The whole band MIA.
Mike originally came from Las Vegas and then stationed his band MIA in the Orange County beach area. He brought punks tighter together. He did this at parties, gigs or at the Flipside House. He could wheel and deal the punk zone. Back stage Mike would make me laugh. He would follow me around saying,
“Want a cocktail, Hudley,” while rolling his eyes round and around. Just like Groucho Marx.
In 2008 when editing my memoirs about the punk scene I came across some Mike comments in a Flipside Fanzine Interview with his band. Unbelievably I received a call at that moment from Nick Adams, a member of MIA, telling me of Mike’s demise. A week later at his funeral his oldest daughter told us a short story.
She said that when they were traveling in his car her dad always had the music on too loud. She told him he could use headphones like everyone else. He never did. That is punk.
An excerpt from My Punkalullby.
Recently, at a benefit show for the passing of Mike Conley of M.I.A., a slam pit broke out at the Detroit bar in Costa Mesa. After about 19 years my natural feelings of irritation and perspiration filled with moisture above my brow. In the past, the slam pit became a testosterone-filled ring of jock bodies circling round and round before the stage. Bouncers and bands tried to control it. They could not stop this wildfire. I grew to hate it. Yet, the recent show again proved me wrong. There were some women but mostly men dancing around having a great time. Yes, their firm bodies now had become a little soft around the edges, as one middle-aged guy stopped and said to me, as if Mike Conley for one moment materialized,
“…enjoy this moment, it is the best time of your life!”
This guy was beaming with youthful glee.
~ From the Pogo to the Slam Pit, by Hudley Flipside
Flipside produced one of MIA’s albums entitled After the Fact. I will read lyrics from a song that Mike wrote. A Quote from the Song, Whisper in the Wind,
“In my eyes you’ll see a thousand memories, He said stare into my soul, All of me you shall know, Live your life full, live your life free, Tomorrow’s but a vision, Yesterday is a dream…”
Mike had the quality of inner order. A quality of depth and control that was not always easy to access.
This concludes my essay on three punk rockers of the early Southern California Punk Scene. Dennis, Pat, and Mike were extraordinary. They were our friends! SCREAMING,
“They were the Punk Hub Masters!”
Click on image to order my books !
Hardcover edition celebrating 50 years since the first publication 2027
On this bittersweet Sunday…caramel, salt and sweet day on accomplishment and fucking stupid neighbors and old fences torn away to expose my private sanctuary. I am pissed with Lilith beyond enduring… my voice speaks fire… so the best I can do to water this flame mouth and heart is reach for the first book I see next to me… oh little Mantis with you long razor arm…. I see a yellow blur as the book opens…
A random page, a random paragraph moves in my green mind… reading…
Portrait of the English romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley (August 4, 1792 – July 8, 1822), engraving by William Finden from a painting by Thomas Lawrence. United Kingdom, approx. 1812 (Photo by Fototeca Gilardi/Getty Images).
“For the rest, she was annoyed and depressed at being confined to middle class inferiors; “a new world” to one accustomed to Shelly and Byron, and to one who distinction warranted the best England had to offer.
Godwin’s best were a few professionals the older playwrights Knowles and Reynolds, the youthful Landseer, and the Prentis brothers, Stephen a poet, Edward a painter whom he invited for teas, supper and whist at The Strand, where Mary looked so out-of-place that Henry Crabb Robinson did not know her at first; “elegant and sickly and young’ and an implausible author of Frankenstein.
Harriet de Boinville, who had broken with Shelly when he left Harriet but now pitied and admired Mary, would compare her to…
An exotic transplanted unhappily into an unsuitable soil and shrinking before rude and shilling blasts…Your early and intimate intercourse with the most refined of human Beings has left you a standard for comparison with few in the most polished circles could bear and from which springs (of necessity) your dissatisfaction…”
Page 251, Heroism, Mary Shelly by Emily W. Sunstein… I type as each word appears randomly to my understanding…
“King Arthur resolves that “violence is not strength, and compassion is not weakness.”
This aligns with the idea that revenge and harm are pointless, and that true power is using influence for good.
Violence often breeds fear, cycles of retaliation, and loss of trust, while compassion builds trust, healing, and long-term peace.”
My son made an AI-generated image of me as a Knight of the Round Table. I was happy. It feels bitchin’.
In my early twenties, when I was a young punk, Ames Books was located in the building where we lived. We had homesteaded an art loft above it—not a real apartment, and sometimes an awkward place to be. That’s why I spent much of my time reading downstairs at Ames.
The Knights of the round Table, myth, esoteric knowledge, films, and a type of Christianity that talked about the Holy Grail.
Now much later I know more about the subject, yet it is a mystery housed within myself for reading. Or in nature to be found in the Bees collecting pollen or the first blooming Dionysian Hollyhock in my garden.
I am grateful for our two son’s success in the world. They have taken on the things I taught them. We still have heated talks about logic vs. love when applied to AI.
Mythology and synchronicity vs. open and closed coding.
Those long mathematical equations explain so much about the world, eventually branching into the Fibonacci sequence—and bringing us back again to flowers and bees.
We learn progressively as we age, with knowledge building upon previous insights. While I don’t read science fiction or Tolkien, my sons do. I resonate with mythologies that reflect real-life experiences, finding inspiration in genres like cowboy shows, murder mysteries, horror films, and film noir.
Today Mr. Fuck came out of the bomb shelter after months of hiding only coming out to climb the fence to do his freegan thing at night.
I felt his hand on my shoulder, and he told me he had a project in mind. I looked over my other shoulder and there was Mr. Shit with his sly grin, and I knew I was in for good fucking trouble.
He gave me a list, and I went to do some good fucking business.
One & 3KG Graphite Crucibles Smart Electric Melting Furnace, 1800 W 110 V Gold Melting Furnace Kit with PID Digital Electric Smelting Furnace for Gold Silver Copper Aluminum Jewelry & Hobby Foundry Kit.
Big canvas for the ground.
Pepy Plastilina Reusable and Non-Drying Modeling Clay
Juome Jar Resin Molds Silicone, Mushroom Jar Silicone Molds for Epoxy Resin.
Mailing box the right size. Addressed to the President of the United States.
He had everything else he needed in the bomb shelter. Preordering his fifteen $1 gold Trump coins that went on sale Sept. 2.
Twenty-five for $61.00. Wow extra fee there? Mr. Fuck will have them within the week. So, he did. He has a friend who has a friend who knows someone who travels and knew someone who works where the coins are made and so … the underground of subversion is a wide and deep organization. Come to your own conclusion.
Two notable books delve into the vibrant intersection of punk culture and journalism, particularly through the lens of Los Angeles Flipside Fanzine. The first, released in 2019, offers a retrospective exploration of the punk scene, documenting its influences and the impact it had on the music industry and youth culture in that era. This book serves as an essential companion for anyone interested in the roots of punk as well as the evolution of independent journalism during this transformative period.
The second book, which is set to launch this year, continues this narrative, focusing on the pivotal years from 1977 to 1987. It provides an in-depth look into the ten-year journey of the Flipside Fanzine, celebrating its contributions to punk rock storytelling and the DIY ethos that characterizes the movement. This documentation not only covers the milestones of the fanzine but also highlights key bands, figures, and events that shaped the more shadowy punk scene.
Both works are particularly special as they are tied to the Anniversary Celebration of the Ten-Year Anniversary Issue #54, which is a landmark publication in the history of Flipside. 2027 marks an incredible fifty years of Flipside and punk rock, a testament to the enduring legacy of both the fanzine and the genre. Together, these books not only celebrate a storied past but also invite readers to reflect on the continued relevance of punk culture in today’s society.
Whether you’re a long-time punk enthusiast or new to the scene, these publications offer invaluable insights and rich historical context.
“Zounds were an Englishanarcho punk/post-punk band from Reading, Berkshire, formed in 1977. Originally they were part of the cassette culture movement, releasing material on the Fuck Off Records label, and were also involved in the squatting and free festival scene. The name of the band is derived from the old English minced oath “zounds“, a contraction of “God’s wounds”, referring to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ, formerly used as a mildly blasphemous oath.”
“Teilhard argued that the “sense of the Earth” is the passionate concern for our common destiny, which draws human consciousness ever further toward unity. He warned that unless humanity shakes off old prejudices and builds the Earth, it risks perishing. This vision of a unified, conscious humanity points toward a social order that transcends narrow self-interest, which is a core value of both socialism and, in a broader sense, cooperative capitalism.”
~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin on Capitalism and Socialism / French Jesuit priest, scientist, paleontologist, philosopher, mystic, and teacher.
These Data Centers or Big Ugly Apartments going up are a real issue with this country. Based on investors, corporations and big city planners who are letting this happen. All politicians. It does not have to be this way.
Environmental Etiquette is a theory I produced to look at this issue.
Before more Data centers are built, or big Ugly Apartments, we need to get them to see where there are building. Not just a random profitable place. What can they help with in our communities to amplify good community?
Are they looking around to see where they are? They must help with building up our infrastructures instead of raping them. Plant trees, pay their own power bills, and help build parks. Be upfront and honest. It is not the technology that I am against, it is how these corporations are implementing their projects.
Instead of building big, ugly apartments, why not create single-family homes with front and back yards? They use less power, reduce overcrowding in our communities, and can also support our infrastructure. How does their Etiquette improve our communities? Ignore the big lie of affordable housing when it only gives greedy corporations permission to take over and further exploit our communities.
We must think of wildlife, pollution of all kinds. More people mean more schools, more hospitals, and a bigger strain on our already weak and old infrastructures and overburdening our electricity power plants or nuclear sources causing massive “Electrical Arcing” proven to start fires and this is due to poor Environmental Etiquette. Poor city planning.
Where are the politicians who care? Why don’t we hold companies accountable and require them to practice good Environmental Etiquette?
We live in an economically based society. It is both socialistic and capitalistic, and hopefully we can stay democratic. Money and humanity and good Environmental Etiquette.
A Church Bazaar” is the Sabian Symbol for Pisces 5° — precisely the degree area of the August 27–28 lunar eclipse Moon (~4°54′ Pisces, rounded up to 5° for Sabian symbols).
That makes the symbolism especially interesting with Diana beside the eclipsed Moon.
“Throughout all this we have no difficulty in understanding the absolute accuracy of the Divine adaptation. The density of the stars, respectively. Proceeds, of course, as their condensation diminishes; condensation and heterogeneity keep pace with each other; through the latter, which is the index of the former, we estimate the vitallic and spiritual development. Thus, in the density of the globes, we have the measure in which their purposes are fulfilled. As density proceeds—as the divine intentions are accomplished –so, in the same ratio, should we expect to find an acceleration of the End. — and thus, the philosophical mind will easily comprehend that the Divine designs in fulfilment. –and more, it will readily give the advance a mathematical expression; it will decide that this advance is inversely proportional with the squares of the distances of all created things from the starting-point and goal of their creation.”
` Edgar Allan Poe Eureka: An essay on the Material and Spiritual Universe Pg. 120
“A true paradox makes for a strong devotion and a mystical union powerful enough to endure the problems.”
Owning Your Own Shadow~ Robert A. Johnson.
Taken down the spring light of multi-colors that lingered from passed holidays. I was on a mission to find some lights for autumn. I got in my little green number, Fiat, and went for a drive.
Firstly, I went to the old Jo-Anns fabric and Craft store that is now a Spirit Halloween store. I walked with much joy throughout the store. Macabre as it was with all sorts of fun stuff. I did not find any string of lights. I asked the workers too.
Feeling delighted to see that a new Jo-Anns was opened next door. Bigger and better. I had not been here for some time because of my saddens when one of my favorite stores closed. What a gift to know that it just moved.
My routine of shopping is focused these days. Not as easy to get around.
Walking through the stores I felt so much creative joy I was beside myself. A massive Halloween exuberance had taken over this store. Yet no Halloween lights. Again, I asked the workers.
“No lights.” They told me.
Found a pumpkin basket with a hat. Big enough for my kitties to jump in. And they did and have been fighting over it ever since I brought it home.
I then drove to Home Depot. I talked to some workers, and they told me that Halloween decorations will be dropped in a day or so and then the Halloween stuff goes up. They had no string of lights.
Got mulch for the front garden roses and three bricks to surround them. A lovely tall bush that has the most glorious roses. Big and lovely.
Last stop is just a short drive down to Target. One of my favorite stores that has windows that look out upon my beloved Verdugo Mountains. Only a few ghosts and pumpkins around. They again were not set up for Halloween. Yes, I asked … and no string of lights to be found. I walked a lot. I walked out with nothing in my hands.
The heat now was in the nineties, and I felt the ideocracy of myself walking through a hot parking lot forgetting where I parted my little number “Oh there it is.”
Frustrated I went home. Overseeing the bricks took it toll on my week neck. So, out came a couple Advil. Ok this is when I hit Amazon.
Within two hours my lights were delivered to my house. This is the first time I have used their two-hour service. They keep their promise. I ordered two orange, purple light boxes. I put them up around 9PM.
Reflecting on my determination and mission I sat down that evening about to watch “Murder She Wrote,” with my cup of magic coffee. Being truly content of reaching my goal that day of feeling bitchin’. Orange, purple lights are up. Illuminate my joy.
Jim Jordon is our anti-hero. As a society we must balance somewhere in-between. As our House and Senate do nothing to support our heroes and allow our anti-heroes to rise, for me it is a sad lukewarm reality this country faces.
War and tariffs and now the evil immigrants.
Back in our history during religious inquisition, in general, the church did the same thing to its own people. Because some had different faiths and were starving. Not paid a decent wage, occasionally defining a storm a peasant stole the life stock to feed their family when the land was cold and wild animals were hard to come by.
They were captured and called devils.
So, the name lycanthropy was invented. Based on the She Wolf ancient culture persecuted by a Christian power in control. Somehow a culture can shame us and throw their shadows upon the weak and nature loving. Those women and men who are only human, yes better than those who accuse them.
The End of Roe v. Wade
Is the number one worst thing done in our modern times… to take this freedom away from women. The right of a woman to do what she will with her body. Only between her and her god, her autonomy.
I have experienced it all. At fifteen I got my period, at about that time guys started to follow me around. Boys, dates, and boyfriends. Rape, abortion, miscarriages and two healthy sons. Sons who are well in this contrary world of ours.
Over these long years our government has helped me as a young woman and as I matured. Also Planned Parenthood and now having good healthcare that cares about me and my body. Yet I still must be my own advocate.
18 years ago
I lost my ability to have children. Now as a crone I see that as a female my power is in my Solar Plexus my belly. My sexuality is sensitive and creatively inspired. I can discern our worlds shadow and false narratives ruled by power, religion, and the unbalanced often unchecked patriarchies. This is where I focus my creativity on balancing or bringing a wholeness.
I do this honestly
Through mythologies and nature. My art. By way of myths and my own jovial psyche. When my shadow and light play in my mind and heart during my night walks under the moon and stars. Where my psyche and the cosmos meet. While hearing nature and the sadly growing asphalt jungle. Whether I like it or not I am part of it all.
A few days ago, I was out front watering the potted plants. As I was watering one potted plant out popped a praying mantis.
I went to get my phone to take a family picture when I put my iPhone’s password in backwards… had to wait for the security to clear 1 minute. I looked at mantis thinking,
“Oh, the wind is blowing mantis around. If I were mantis, I would crawl up that hanging rosemary vine.”
I put the security in backwards again. I had to wait 5 minutes.
“Oh no”
About 20 minutes later I went back outside and there was mantis crawling up the rosemary. I got the password right this time and took the pic.
“We think alike!”
Then as I came back, I saw that mantis caught a bee. After climbing to the top of the red brick.
“Oh my,” I thought.
The serendipity of the whole thing. I also remember in a dream where Praying Manits spoke to me about how cats in our yard have eaten a few praying mantes. That Praying Mantis has also eaten a butterfly.
So, what came to my attention was this.
Respect the bee for its work.
Respect the mantis for its hunger.
Respect yourself for being able to witness both without turning either one into a villain.
Now I am working with my shadow. This is what bee and mantis are sharing with me.
Life is fleeting; it involves experiencing light and shadow and striving to find balance between the two.
New hardcover~ glossy inside and out, desirous inside and out, and delicious… it feels good. A part of a history that I feel is presented with sexy respect. The first handheld device of information. The fucking fanzine.
The most challenging times somehow make me highly creative. My list is complete for now with what I wanted to create this season. My Chapbook Dark City Punks and the Original Ten-Year Anniversary Issue 1977 to 1987 the hardcover.
To open the cork and celebrate that special Flipside Fanzine Issue. It looks great and I am incredibly happy with it. A dream complete of a hardcover copy. Within time I will make obsolete the Paperback edition. Even though that was a grand accomplishment on its own.
It was a process and like most things done by the Flipside Fanzine crew we learned as we grew. Seven years since it was published again. Thirty-nine years since its original publication.
2027 will be 50 years since the creation of Flipside Fanzine. So, this is an early move into that period of reality of how fast time goes by.
It was not my ambition to preserve Flipside Fanzine, but I have accomplished a lot for that strange little rag created to get into shows for free from Whittier California.
My gratitude goes to the original creators, my mentors, especially the master mind X-8. Yet this history is shared in the three narratives LOS ANGELES FLIPSIDE FANZINE THE NARRATIVE DOCUMENTARY / FILM. EPEISODION ONE, TWO AND THREE. For free viewing on my YouTube channel.
The Chapbook Dark City Punks shares a whole perspective of what I went through to get here. Sometimes a very lonely journey. I wanted to share the fermentation of punk inclusion and exclusion of punk intimacy.
It may not be what you want to hear but it is honest. Are we not assholes, are we not human beings… yes, we are good and shady. I am tired of all these punk rock icons and legends. That is all bullcrap.
Click on image below to order your copy.
Both for sale now and soon on my Amazon Authors Page.
I was inspired today by watching the video below. The ideal of “CODE for the people.” Is a new concept for me but not an old one.
From acclaimed director Bao Nguyen (BTS, Be Water, The Greatest Night in Pop), Code for the People is a documentary short exploring the past, present, and contested future of the open web.
In this video so much of what I have always done and fought for was talked about. The growth of computers and the internet.
Years ago, I used Quantum Link with our Commadore computers at Los Angeles Flipside Fanzine. I had a group I met with called Midnite Mystics. We communicated across the USA.
My friends did not have a clue back then what I was doing. Yet it is a dinosaur to what we have now. My oldest son is an advanced computer engineer, and coding is a second language to him. Like my youngest son’s is math. Another language. Both beyond me but I do have my art. That is my source of communication between art and writing. My husband speaks so many other languages, but Chess is one that takes time to see and understand.
Symbols are my language and narratives. I was touched by this video, and it is some of the ideas shared that were like direct contact for me.
The fire of Promethius or Open Source as a way for the people to experience “the Freedom to be Free.”
I wrote about this in my new book Electric Honey and in the art of Attis.
I gathered this all together today to show us all that WordPress is a wonderous example of an open source to share our words, ideas, and art.
“He was shy. He did not talk much. We three sat together.
Saturn said that Pholus was pleased with my painting of him. Then Pholus kindly spoke,
“I often sit in my garden like you and watch the praying mantis.”
He told me the name “mantis,” has great value and meaning to him.”
“Small acts can unleash far-reaching consequences,”
7/3/2026
I had an active imagination last night. I imagined a female voice announce that Saturn would like to see me. I had turned him down a couple of days ago. Had a tough week. Yet last night I agreed. So, the lovely white horse with wings was waiting- then zoom I saw the rings of Saturn.
“How fast,” I thought.
We landed and I gave the horse some barley and oats. I tickled his whiskers on his nose.
I walked up to the large open ballroom with rounded door. I was given a lovely white dress to wear. Feeling silly I asked if I could just be in my regular clothes.
“You mean your bitchin’ pants and t-shirt.”
I turned around and there was my beloved Saturn.
He escorted me to an upstairs room. He told me there was someone who wanted to see me. He introduced me to Pholus.
Pholus held out his hand and I said,
“Hello.” I touched his hand.
He was shy. He did not talk much. We three sat together.
Saturn said that Pholus was pleased with my painting of him. Then Pholus kindly spoke,
“I often sit in my garden like you and watch the praying mantis.”
He told me the name “mantis,” has great value and meaning to him.
Pholus told me gently that he has a healthy healing potion for my foot cut. So, Saturn was there to help him put a small, exceedingly small drop on my cut…
I fell asleep.
Later in the morning I remembered the experience and softly said,
“Saturn and Pholus I am sorry I fell asleep. But I assume Saturn brought me back as usual.
In reflection:
Pholus was in the shadows, soft spoken, gentle, and filled with a goodness that was a wonder for me to behold. He asked if I would finish the right of the painting with yellow. I hope I got that right.
What’s a book, movie, or TV show that you wish you could experience again for the first time?
“Love is eternal. It has been the strongest motivation for human actions throughout history. Love is stronger than life. It reaches beyond the dark shadow of death.”
The film noir thriller Laura.
As many film noirs this one is always an amazing adventure.
Characters change, where good guys become bad guys, and bad guys become good guys.
Dana Andrews, Vincent Price and Gene Tierney were just a top selection of actors that I was beginning to know.
The first time! Every time!
Laura is always a deep wonder of shadows and delights.
The soundtrack pulls this whole film together.
I love a good detective film. Love and betrayal and overall, a deep side kick of audacity!
“Laura, you have one tragic weakness. With you, a lean strong body is the measure of a man. And you always get hurt.”
What I love about this global WordPress community is that it feels real. Even as countries clash and leaders create division, it is comforting to know that people around the world can still connect, share this planet, and exchange ideas through art.
The artist Vincent van Gogh said this:
“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.”
Fourteen years ago, I began this WordPress journey without knowing where it would lead.
Today I noticed a collection of WordPress achievements that made me pause.
Visitors from over 150 countries.
Readers from more than 50 countries.
Fourteen years of publishing.
Hundreds of posts.
A community that continues to read, follow, and encourages my work.
These aren’t awards in the traditional sense. They’re reminders that showing up matters.
I’ve never chased fame. I’ve simply tried to keep creating—painting, writing, publishing, and sharing what feels true.
Thank you to everyone who has stopped by, read an essay, looked at a painting, left a comment, or quietly visited from somewhere in the world. You are part of this story.
Hudley Flipside | Punk Rock Colleague • Historian • Archivist
I want to apologize to the people who previously posted a flyer for this event. I denied it happened because I had completely forgotten about it. While searching through my old Flipside Fanzines for another show I thought I attended, I found this instead.
I was looking for a show Mike Patton posted today for The Starwood. An image of a Ticket February 3rd THE WEIRDOS, MIDDLE CLASS, AGENT ORANGE,
I know I was there but did not find the review in Flipside Fanzine. So many shows in an intense and brief time of our youthful rebellion. We are the seeds of a once blossoming culture.
Here is the review I found instead with images. It is an odd feeling to have a documentation of my youth. Things I have forgotten but cannot deny when they are right in front of me. No fake stuff here all authentic in 1980s time. From Issue 24 the Blue Jack TSOL issue. I was wearing my American Flag shirt I sewed up from a real flag but that is another story.
FLIPSIDE BENEFIT – MAY 8, 1981, at Vex Hall in Los Angeles
We’ll have to start off by thanking all the bands that played (or offered to play) and all the people that came to the show and put up with the heat and waited.
THE CROWD opened the show; to make a long story short, the band that was supposed to open SOCIETY’S VICTEMS couldn’t go on because they were supposed to use some of the GIRLSCOUTS’ equipment, and the GIRLSCOUTS didn’t show up (for whatever reason).
So instead of waiting,
The CROWD took the stage. Hud announced them as the Punk Beach Boys, which nobody likes (great joke), and they ran through their set. I was surprised at how well they played in the heat,
“We love summer, it’s like August here,” said Jim!
Despite the heat the audience danced, and the CROWD danced and it had to be one of the best sets I’ve ever seen the CROWD do, and they’ll tell you that.
After a long wait the band scraped up some equipment, SOCIETY’S VICTEMS
Steve from Flipside’s band, and Whittier’s one and only punk group came on. They did what they were supposed to do – 3 quick songs. They got quite a reaction, ranging from wild slamming to wild spitting, what can you say about a band’s first gig?
At about this time the Police made their first of three visits. They came in, did a quick head count, asked Joe about the capacity, and decided to close the doors to any more people – but the show could go on!!! Unfortunately, they chased away about 100 – 200 people that were still outside.
By now everyone was feeling the heat, and trips backstage or to the bar were common.
THE ADOLESCENTS faded into existence from sound check to actual set. I really don’t know when the set started – there were always people running around stage and Casey yelling for more drum monitor, anyways they played a frantic set. The heat didn’t stop anybody from going crazy, and the crowd seemed to eat up every song now that they know them by heart.
Mike Ness even got up to do the singing on ‘House of the Rising Sun’ – it was funny seeing him trying to wiggle like Tony.
CIRCLE JERKS were the last band to go on and did more than an adequate job of being the end to a great show. They played very intensely; the only time I’ve seen them better was at their own Birthday Party Gig, but tonight it was special because they debuted a bunch of new songs – so new Keith had to read them in the paper. And they are good ones too – songs about the RCP and such!!!
A great set, a great end. Lastly, we’d like to thank Joe for letting us have the show at his club, and all the bouncers who were really cool and had a great time celebrating Bam Bam’s (BIG bouncer) birthday.
Long ago we took our kids to bookstores. Finding their favorite books was a big treat for us as well as for them. Today we had a good pint and meal and a walk. The local bookstore is still there where it has been for a long time now.
Bookstores have disappeared over the last few years. I am happy that Barnes & Noble is still moving along nicely and was filled with characters and other book lovers of all kinds.
I was on a mission to find one book by Alan Watts. And I searched all over and found none. Below and above this two-story store. I was focused on the Philosophy section. I did look elsewhere yet no luck. Then youngest son said,
“How about we try it again on the second level.”
The three of us went up the escalator but no dice. Husband was gone for a brief time.
Coming back to us He asked,
“What section are you looking for”?
“I am thinking Psychology but cannot find that section.”
He said,
“It is behind this shelf. See, what would mama do without me?”
The very top and the furthest away turned towards the window I found a short group of books in the Psychology section. Behind another section that had another topic.
There was a peculiar man sitting in a chair. There were only inches to walk by him.
He seemed introverted and looked down. I then said,
“Excuse me!”
Looking at books at the very bottom in the back corner.
“Oh, there is his book, the only book?”
To my surprise, the book bore Alan Watts’s name and was titled The Book. It was a small volume, and I’ve often found that my favorite books are the little ones. I then said kindly to the man,
“Thank you, I found my Alan Watts book.”
He looked at me and smiled and mumbled words I did not catch.
Unexpectedly on the way out I was inspired and found myself walking out with other books not so small. A lovely book about Alchemy & Mysticism including a few illustrations by William Blake!
A second book entitled Native American Legends Illustrated with an image of White Buffalo and a story.
Lastly, a Carl Jung Psychology Test in a box with a deck of cards.
I was enthusiastic to learn that Alan Watts held a master’s degree in theology and a Doctor of Divinity. It helped me understand why his work may be drawing me back to a path I stepped away from some years ago.
Thanks to husband who dropped the honey to look back, in the backside, and in the corner nearby the peculiar man.
I almost gave up. Finding a book on Amazon is easy but this was as mystical, peculiar and wonderful as Alan Watts seems to be.
“This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” ― Alan Watts
A week before Easter and a week after I spent two weeks in Hospital. I almost died from a colon blockage. It has been a month since I have been out of hospital recovering.
Squirrel the Brave is here “our family garden.”
Tomorrow will be my last day of taking a time released steroid which I have slowly decreased as recommended by my gastrologist doctor.
I am still on a soft food diet.
I still feel like I am recovering since the steroid is like an elixir.
An immensely powerful drug to heal inflammation. I also started receiving infusion of a drug that will help my immune system to stop attacking my body. I was given plenty of antibiotics my first week. And a more powerful steroid the second week.
I am blessed with excellent healthcare from Kaiser. I am incredibly grateful but like anything else I also must be my own advocate. I pay attention and ask for things or ask for advice. I am that artist or perspective, or interval to disagree… if it is worth a new perspective or evaluation from a doctor.
So far, I have listened to my original hospital team and my gastrologist.
My potassium is stabilizing but my cholesterol is up and that very well could be due to the steroid. The powerful elixir steroid from the second week did make my blood pressure become truly angry and my heart felt like it would fly away.
Now my blood pressure is particularly good, and my heartbeat is comfortable again. As I start a normal diet and focus on healthy eating as usual, I hopefully will see that cholesterol go down.
Nacho Flower is here “our family garden.“
Due to a past unbelievably terrible experience with steroids from 2018 to 2019 I do have a type of traumatic experience when it comes to steroids. Some call it PTSD.
It is the beast I face and this time it was not different.
This time I had a wonderful experience with a nurse who touched my heart and made me release the healing that was going on in the process. At that moment I learned to use my years of Jungian perspective and alchemical processes which are to change the base metals into gold.
I did this by creating art, cleaning, and keeping a balanced perspective even though the beast pulled at my dark soul and amplified that strange unknown grief.
Now I am feeling in my belly the warm embers of a once unbearable raging fire.
I was shocked by my face with death. How close I was.
On this strange journey I found a gift, Alan Watts.
I guess I knew about him, but he arrived today with a random synchronicity. I have been called on this strange journey before. A vision quest.
As gentle as the softest elements of existence yet simultaneously imbued with a profound ability to uncover deeper truths.
I will take him as I do honey in my coffee. A little at a time. Maybe a book on my shelf for a while before reading. To feel that presence he so often writes about.
I pray for all who do not have the good health care I enjoy.
I advocate universal healthcare for everyone.
We are here, as I am here… we all deserve healthcare.
A fine singing bird is here “our family garden” where nature and humankind coexist.
