Tag Archives: Alternative music

My heart is still shaking all over after all these years…

Gasatanka / Flipside Fanzine Vol 2.. with Revolutionary Fetus …

Doing a little reflective researching for my little talk. Always gets my heart beating a little faster. This band insert was one of my favorite ones. My work.  But I always wanted to do a newspaper Fanzine. The individuals that made this vinyl fanzine happen are amazing ! What a wild project… a wonder how it ever happened?

You risk tears

You risk tears if you let yourself be tamed.

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Dad was not an easy person to deal with. I was told so by many a nurse. One nurse complained that we brought him a man with the DTs. We were yelled at and dad was sedated. 


Uncle Royal, Mom, Dad with the cigarette and his sister Louise. 1942


This may not be the kind of story you want to be reading on Veterans day. Yet it is the truth. I don’t like war or the war machine or military hackers, economic hit men, or bombs of any kind! I know that the history of humanity is a bloody one. I often wonder, astronomically, what kind of stellar rays the earth projects out into our solar system? Power, peace, sex, and equality: rich, poor, inclusive, or exclusive, are all qualities of our dualistic life. Love abides!  Then there are the simple stories of simple people and their alcoholic purple heart WWII veteran dads.  This is one that is funny as well as disheartening.

“The desert is a symbol, Turning it green is about much more than agriculture.” Chapter 13, pg. 129, Confessions of an Economic Hit Man -John Perkins

Mom was already signed up for Kaiser Permanente. Dad was with the VA. Seemed all was taken care of as they moved into their twilight years. As we age our bodies start to break down and when mom and dad hit their 90s it was unavoidable.  Dad stopped watering the garden and brushing the pool. In his 80s he still golfed and did walk the full course. Amazing you say? Well he also powered down lots of booze too? He told many a good story drunk as well. Then there was always the meanness of his personality. The pendulum swung. It swung back and forth. They never knew but I knew, like the sun rising and setting, I would have to unfortunately deal with his nastiness. We all endured his abuse in my family.

We all speculated on the facts that dad learned or acquired this behavior because of his service in the military as a Captain pilot of the Army Air Force during WWII. Dad’s B-52 was shot down the same day as Saint Exupery plane, July 31, 1944. {Exupery authored the book The Little Prince.} Exupery’s mysteriously disappeared but dad survived off the island of New Guinea with a broken back.

As a child we celebrated this day with a cake. My mom was very creative and designed a little B-25 plane crashed on the Island of New Guinea. I helped make up the blue dye frosting for the cake one year. So, we justified his alcoholism. That is what I learned.

Years later when dad started to show signs of dementia I advised mom to sign him up with Kaiser Permanente. A nice representative went to their house and got dad all taken care of. It was not much longer that Kaiser stepped in to help him. He was sick. Dad’s dementia got worse. We thought it was Alzheimer’s. His doctor told us he fried his brain drinking to much booze. I was not surprised but mom was. The whole family except for me were in denial about this.

Now for the funny part of the story.  My siblings were going to change the world and my dad too. Sister and one of the brothers told me this,

“Kaiser is not doing the best for dad. It is a terrible place and we need to get him better help!”

This was only a month after mother’s death. Kaiser helped her transition and gracefully so. What they told me angered me because I knew that Kaiser helped both of our parents. I was there to witness it at the time.  Once the big boy and sister siblings kicked in I was pushed aside for their brilliance. Most of them lived out-of-town and only came to visit a few times a year. This is how you are treated when you are the youngest in my family. I am the only one to still live where I grew up!

Now for another funny part of the story.

One of the second oldest brothers glorified the VA. There were two hospitals near dad. The VA hospital near Westwood and the one out in Northridge. Neither wanted to help. Yet there was a retirement adult care facility out in Northridge. This is where brother with glory glory told me how wonderful this VA hospital was. Brother spoke the words of the angels. He described the cleanliness of the place. The courtesies and how St. Peter of the golden gate stood to greet him.

th (30)

I went there with my nearest brother sibling. We interviewed with the adult day care coordinator. As I walked into the facility I was impressed. The live sound of a grand piano, the ruffle of a newspaper and friendly smiles as I walked by were warmly inviting. In her office the coordinator asked the questions. She wanted to know about my dad. My sibling was not honest. I tried to explain to this lady who my dad really was and how he behaved. I knew that dad was not the right person for this lovely holy holy VA place. I also advised my siblings the mistake they were making. Adjoined to this lovely adult day care was a medical facility. I reflected to myself that would be the best place for dad.

Siblings took dad there. He only lasted 15 minutes and was kicked out. He argued with the coordinator and pushed her.

“Having foresight is a terrible thing when nobody’s listening !!”

The VA was not there for my dad in his most vulnerable stage of his life. They could not handle his illness. Alcoholism and meanness is unacceptable! Back to Kaiser they went with their tail between their legs!! Kaiser treated dad with respect and showed him difficult dignity.

I never received a we are sorry or an apology for their failed effort. Holy holy VA Hospital symbolically burned to the ground and was never mentioned again.  I know that oldest brother always expected me to take over and take care of dad. I declined the offer. Oldest brother treated me like dirt too. With a husband and two kids to care for. I would have gone insane taking care of my dad too. He was very abusive.

I remember before his demise, dad did turn down home health aides because they were ugly or too fat. They were not up to his standards of a dame. I suggested that they put him in a nursing facility.  He would be happy there. A good facility would keep him sedated.

“NO,” they said.

We did the best we could for dad. I know we all loved him. One of my siblings had nowhere to live, had no family to care for or property or job. He did not have a car, nor did he drive. He moved in with dad at the family home and became a saint. Luckily, I drove and was there if they needed a drive. And so, the story goes…

Under his care dad ran away a couple of times. One time he hitched a ride to the coast over 30 miles away. He had no memory of us anymore. The police picked him up at a bar off the Pacific Coast Hwy. He smelled the drenched smell of hard alcohol! He was fresh with the lady police officer who was polite to him… regardless!


a2c9649a58cf46531e47ae661ac3bdfc


 

 

Trump 356 dumps … a Flopside UN-Celebration…

365 un-celebration of Mr. Trump the Dump. He is the doppelganger. He is the anti-man. The worst of the worst evil elitist sons of bastards..

scum.

“I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.” ~ The Dump


The Trump Cards Bubble Gum Flopside Comics

Buy Now Button

The Trump Cards Bubble Gum Comics 001

Have fun and laugh all day… lol


Terrible Death

Buy Now Button

The died A Terrible Death Flopside Comic 001


Be More Than An asshole Trump Bubble Gum President

Buy Now Button

Trump is An Asshole Flopside Comic 001



ghoulish time.

Ghoulish is one who delights in the revolting, morbid, or loathsome. 

Today is a day of terror and disdain in New York. Another violent attack on innocent people. The last month or so has been very revolting, morbid and loathsome. An attack on the soul of humanity…very sad.

I am not one who delights in the revolting, morbid or loathsome. Halloween is about running around and getting free candy. It is a time of parties with friends and family. The graceful time of honoring our ancestors.

Spirits ascend but come to visit us in the wind and in our hearts and our memories.

My cave is safe and warm with love.

A love song for all of us… what a ghoulish time.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/ghoulish/

A Honorable friend…

“The old generation is going. What will the new bring us? What shall we ourselves contribute? <…> Destiny says to us: “Show what is in thee! Now is the moment, now is the hour, else fall back into nothingness! It is thy turn! Give the world thy measure, say thy word, reveal thy nullity or thy capacity. Come forth from the shade! It is no longer a question of promising, thou must perform. The time of apprenticeship is over. Servant, show us what thou hast done with thy talent. Speak now, or be silent forever.”
-Henri-Frédéric Amiel, Amiel’s Journal

“I feel as I were disintegrating and “growing up”, whatever that means, simultaneously.”
-James Agee, Letters of James Agee to Father Flye

expect

A beautiful monster

My heart was fashioned to be susceptible of love and sympathy, and when wrenched by misery to vice and hatred, it did not endure the violence of the change without torture such as you cannot even imagine. ~ Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

The older I get the more I know it is true to expect less from others. Less from others is how it goes. I also feel I give less to others. The need to support shows , bands and artists is less. I don’t expect others to support me either. When they do I am thrilled. When I am thrilled and get that feeling in my belly to go and do something it must sustain for a while. My libido is not what it use to be. I can expect it to become lukewarm quickly.


 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/expect/

contradictory

“But you’ve got the beauty and strength of love on your side. And if we can find our sense of humor too…why, these are the weapons of the angels.” ~ A Summer Place (1959)

I raised my kids on old school punk rock. That is not the only music playing but it had the noticeable charm that was part of my life and  theirs. Very good character building.

Years after their attack on the punk rock world the Misfits first album was played in our car when the kids were young. I purchased the CD at Wal-Mart.  They laughed and danced to the humor and wildness of this original punk music. I told them my adventures with the band. I told my kids about a barefoot Glenn Danzig who was not much taller than my oldest son at 13. Maybe the thought of their long bangs hanging in their faces or their sense of humor is what made mean love the band so much back in the 1980s… The Misfits are a big wig band now. I remember when they were youths and fun as hell to be with.

My youngest refers to me as “Mommy!” His voice is deep enough now, at 16  to echo Glenn’s voice from the song, “Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?” The Walk Among Us album is my all-time favorite Halloween punk album… ever.

Maybe it is in bad taste to think about this song. The violence and shooting in Las Vegas is not something to belittle in any way. Humor is something contradictory to the grief and horror we share now. The early punk scene had a whole lot of humor mixed in with the bad stuff.

President Donald J. Trump Proclaims October 15 through October 21, 2017, as National Character Counts Week

This is different to the soullessness of our current President. He has the character of a consuming black hole. It seems ironical that he could even think of this month as a time of National Character.  I guess one can have anti-character. As the anti-man or doppelgänger.  The only character Trump has is the mockingly strange lies that fly around him.

The only good quality that bounces off him, what I find about the anti-man is that he makes me laugh. Maybe there is a thread in his tiny soul that we can pull on. Maybe his poor soul is in bondage to his big ego? Somehow we can tie his little meek soul to some astro zombies and pull it out of him?

There is a contradictory tweet for almost every occasion. ~

Alex Hindman, Fortune, “The Roots of Trump’s Hypocrisy,” 29 Aug. 2017

 


 


Autumn Magic poem four

A prayer to the Elohim ...
help us in these
whirlwinds of water
and fires of destruction. 

too much steam...

How to prune the masses
A man who is a doodlebanger
Causing chaos, discord, and division.

Racist and hypocrite...

Send you peace of heart and mind....
hopefully good people will become
The powerful and not the defeated.

Magic come to console and make
A sword of justice of
nobility and goodwill.

Make us whole dear diplomatic Elohim.

 

 

towards the zenith today…dragging the lake and letting go.

Last night before I went to bed. Or my routine of earning my right to sleep. I watched my detective shows as candles glow. After a dark night of  tossing and turning, I finally achieved the gift of sleep.

Anyway, last night before I went to sleep I checked my handy device and app on the planets.  I noticed that Jupiter was heading towards the nadir not quite past the descent. Jupiter was at peace in the astrological sign of Libra about 29 degrees. I woke up this morning with a curiously to see that Jupiter had spent the night in the underworld as I did. I speak collectively and personally.

Jupiter is now doing the tango with my friend Scorpio in 00 degrees heading towards the zenith. It is an outward and inward projection on my part. There are the realities that manifest in the physical realm which we now all see. Then there are the inner mysteries that prevail within everything and in us as well. And so, it goes.

“Watching the Detectives” and “Holding Back the Years” are songs that have  made an impression on me at such static times in my life, like these. Profound things are happenings but what can I do about it?

Both songs affirm realities today because they are unbearably beautiful, paradoxical, and show a musical renderings of our current times. A time of “dragging the lake” and  “letting go!” Hauntingly I move  towards the next plateau of life or current events that may be bewildering and filled with change.


“Watching the Detectives” is a 1977 single by English singer-songwriter Elvis Costello.

“You think you’re alone until you realize you’re in it.
Now fear is here to stay. Love is here for a visit.
They call it instant justice when it’s past the legal limit.
Someone’s scratching at the window. I wonder who is it?
The detectives come to check if you belong to the parents
who are ready to hear the worst about their daughter’s disappearance.
Though it nearly took a miracle to get you to stay,
it only took my little fingers to blow you away.”


“Holding Back the Years” is the seventh track on Simply Red’s debut studio album Picture Book (1985).

Pater may refer to as the Latin “father” a title given to father deity. A Roman and Celtic God of the Underworld subsumed by Pluto or Jupiter.

Mater Matuta, in Roman religion, goddess of the ripening of grain (although the Latin poet Lucretius made her a goddess of dawn.)

“Holding back the years,
Thinking of the fear I’ve had for so long.
When somebody hears,
Listen to the fear that’s gone.
Strangled by the wishes of pater,
Hoping for the arm of mater,
Get to me sooner or later,”


th (15)

they just don’t make songs like this anymore….

Dionysian

In a Dionysian world, everything is alive, even the dead.

Quote_ Hillman, James. The Force of Character: And the Lasting Life (Kindle Location 1785). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.