“Retinue from Spirit and Light”

Hildegard had a mysterious vision of choirs of angels

Being a religious study major I have stumbled upon some interesting books and libraries. Many of my books set upon my bookshelf collecting dust. They call me and reveal more to me over the years.  Yesterday was the winter solstice. It was nice to feel inspiration to study from one of the most interesting books in my Religious Studies experience.  A quote from the Nag Hammadi library.

It is The Sophia of Jesus Christ that caught my attention again. The quote that revealed itself to me is a very mind-expanding perspective about the Christian or Gnostic creation story.

I think the quote does challenge the dogma of Christianity today. The Sophia of Jesus Christ is not spoken of very much. First off it includes Mary as one of the Apostles. Also, it says something about Christ that is very modern and remarkable. In this chapter Christ is talking to his apostles as they ask him questions, she answers them.

“I want you to know that first man is called Begetter, self-perfect Mind, He reflected with Great Sophia his consort and revealed his first begotten androgynous son. His male name is designated First Begetter son of God; his female name First Begettress Sophia Mother of the Universe. Some call her love. Now first begotten is called Christ, since he has authority form his father, he created a multitude of Angels without number for retinue from Spirit and Light”


Their motivations aren’t human

    (Alan Bates) “You know the buildup of energy before something happens? How hair stands up before lighting strikes?”

    (Richard Gere) “Right, “before something happens”. Do you mean, do you mean that they cause disasters?”

   (Alan Bates) “Why would they need to?”

    (Richard Gere) “Alright, then. Are they — Are they trying to warn me?”

    (Alan Bates) “Their motivations aren’t human.”

    (Richard Gere) “Alright, then. What do they want?”

    (Alan Bates) “I have no idea. What you really want is to know — why you?”

~The Mothman Prophecies (film) Quotes

While watching the film The Fourth Kind about alien abductions in Nome, Alaska in 2000. I held up my new Mothman t-shirt in front of my youngest son.

“A gift to myself,” I said.

“I see,” said Shayne.

Then I turned around because I heard a voice. I then remembered the actors face. He plays Gordon Smallwood who has an ongoing relationship with Indrid Cold. The film I am referring to is The Mothman Prophecies. In the film The Fourth Kind he plays a sheriff in the town of Nome, Alaska.

I said with excitement.

“Wow imagine that. I held up the Mothman t-shirt as Gordon was speaking.”

Even if it is just actors pretending to be people who really had these real-life based extraterrestrial experiences it can still amplify as a real synchronicity experience, I said a real experience to me.

So now I got that strange, buzzed UFO feeling coming over me again. I must realize and say to myself,

“Their motivations aren’t human.”

Saturn 0 Degrees Aquarius Today!

Merry Mantis


With their distinct style of interplanetary rays.

Ophiuchus in mythological stories is the serpent healer. An ancient and archaic image of wisdom and knowledge. Associated with Hermes Transmigrates. A time of great healing is possible. A time of Orbs in the sky and saviors being born. The shadow shows its face and the ancient battle of light and darkness continues outside of us and within us.

A hodgepodge of posts that amount to something currently. We are now approaching in the time of the 13th constellation. Ophiuchus. Also close to Saturn and Jupiter in 0 degrees Aquarius. Today a new moon and a total solar eclipse is an inward reflective time for planting seeds of inspiration and new hopes. Yet Saturn and Jupiter hanging together shall not exclude Pluto. For the three of them have had a good old time influencing us with their distinct style of interplanetary rays. WOW.

I am putting the links together below. A heterogeneous experience available in a homogeneous kind of way. Alike and different, darkness and light…

Happy Winter Solstice.  





“life that is beautiful and surprising and deep”

Amber is fossilized tree resin that has been appreciated for its color and natural beauty since Neolithic times

Researchers Find A Preserved 12-Million-Year-Old Praying Mantis in amber.

At a time when chaos is weaving a strange web. The realm of contrary ways bangs and crashes along. So many people dying and the lack of human compassion to simply stop the spread of COVID19 by just wearing a piece of material, or manufactured paper material, on their faces… is this not insane?

I go back to Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughter-House-Five. … a theme that carries my life.

Between life and death are the moments.

“We are in the amber of the moment.” I am placed now reflecting moments during my senior years. Reflecting on the history of life that is filled with adventure. The smell of wild sage, riding the punk slam pits like riding waves at Huntington beach. I found riding waves much more terrifying than the pit! I feel as Billy Pilgrim did.

Years ago, I had an extraterrestrial experience. The UFO opened and a little grey guy dressed in royalty focused a beam of light upon my brain. I was filled with images, symbols, words I could not read or understand. It all came at me so fast! I thought I would implode

“Stop,” I said.

I did not understand the term downloading then. Like most myths and symbols, they reveal knowledge slowly. “Because this moment simply is. Have you ever seen bugs trapped in amber?”

I have learned to let life, my life, reveal long and slowly as moments to me.

“There are no telegrams on Tralfamadore. But you are right: each clump of symbols is a brief, urgent message-describing a situation, a scene. We Tralfamdorians read them all at once, not one after the other. There isn’t any particular relationship between all the messages, except that the author has chosen them carefully, so that, when seen all at once, they produce an image of life that is beautiful and surprising and deep. There is no beginning, no middle, no end, no suspense, no moral, no causes, no effects. What we love in our books are the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time.”

In all the books I have read and research I have done this above quote explains my personal UFO experience. Even depth psychology, Jungian psychology, ufology, esoteric studies, religious studies, film noir, punk rock music or jazz did not explain this experience to me. This full moon in Sagittarius is an amber moment for me.

At the Olympic Auditorium GBH dedicated this song to me… an amber moment…

Call your shrill

An essay fantasy from the mind of a female crone punk rocker.

By Hudley Flipside

“When you turn MOM upside down, it spells WOW, wonderful old women, wise old women, witty old women, wicked old women. We can put on new hats.”

~Jacobs Ruth H. Be an Outrageous Older Woman (p. 10). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

As I do watch old films, film noir and westerns and eyeball TCM more than I aught, I have a fantasy. What do I have to offer TCM? I view the many guests and their film pics. If I went on TCM it would be on what I uniquely have to offer the program. Punk rock is a no brainer. The history of Los Angeles punk rock is my theme and I have two books out on the subject. I was told that if you want to get on any panel of experts you have to have at least two books out. I do. Also, the ten years of publishing a fanzine, records, and live band videos shows my dedication. That is my solid introduction into any of the TCM marks of introduction. I have viewed less experienced individuals on the program. Then there are the films I chose.

Alfred Hitchcock’s Shadow of Doubt, Stanley Kubrick A Clockwork Orange, and Clive Barker’s original first film Hellraiser.

The film Shadow of Doubt is so insightful into a young woman’s journey into the dark side or the shadow of her youthful psyche. Family, friends, and high ideals melt into a wasteland after high school graduation.  Her first test and confrontation with evil in the world. The first elements of conscious dissonance transformed her very being into the woman she was to become. Love is waiting for her and she wins the battle against a very dark force. She was willing to kill her Uncle.

I had a similar experience as I fell into the punk rock scene in the late 1970s. My conscious dissonance came as an existential movement or symphony over many years. Punk rock gave me a voice when documenting the punk scene. I joined a useful rebellion be it writing, music or wild adventure. Love was waiting for me there too. I killed my youthful identity and transformed myself into the rebellion of a generation and beyond. This is the woman I became and the crone that I am.

A Clockwork Orange is a masterpiece. I cannot say how many of my friends are influenced by this film. Pulling the character Alex out of the violence and a world view that has no inability to control it’s youth. This film is about more than just the violence. There is the music of Wendy Carlos who electrified Beethoven’s music. What a turn on this was. I remember in 1979 seeing a car turn the corner after a show at the infamous Whisky A Go Go. In the car were four young men dressed as droogies. Screaming the lyrics to a song with their derby hats on. I “guffed” and looked down because I was wearing my horrorshow boots.

Around 1977 I worked at Bob’s Big Boy as a waitress. I noticed late at night new wavers came into the restaurant. Half of their faces were made up. They looked like something out of A Clockwork Orange. It was not long after that I was creating my own thrift store creations. Beethoven’s music transforming into what I found in an old record slot at a local thrift store, 1978 (I’m) Stranded by the Australian band The Saints.

Towards the end of the 1980s came The Box. The Cenobites are angels to some and devils to others. Fictitious characters from another dimension. Denizens of imagination. The great battle of the psyche is contained in this film. Again, a young woman must face abuse, alienation, and the evil of the world to transform herself. Pinhead, “No tears please its a waste of good suffering.”

I was inspired by this film to make up rubber masks. First the plaster form and then the liquid latex. I became a Cenobite for Halloween and beyond.

These films are part of my continuity of being a punk as I moved into creating myself into my young adulthood and beyond. Now as a crone I love to reflect on the past into my present time. Pulling out so many elements that mean something special to me and then sharing these stories. This is what we all go through. We have our innocence, our experience and then hopefully our wisdom.

So, if my fantasy comes true and I get the opportunity to be on TCM as a guest I would recommend these three films.   

“What do you do if they call you shrill because you demand your rights? You do not get anxious about being unladylike. You realize that a man who fought for his rights would be considered appropriate and that ideas of what is ladylike have been used to control women for centuries. You translate shrill to assertive and smile smugly. Congratulate yourself that you have learned how to be assertive in your later years despite your socialization to be a “good girl” and cave in when confrontation arises, fearful of censure.” ~ Jacobs Ruth H. Be an Outrageous Older Woman (p. 269).



Ichabod Crane in a 1960s straight legged suite, A bow Saturn and Jupiter…

As we approach this year’s Aquarius celebration of Saturn and Jupiter both in 0 degrees Aquarius 2020 December 21st, I think back upon a time of my life when this song from the musical Hair was immensely popular. I have been watching the two planets hang together over the last couple months. In clear eyesight. Two thousand years from Pisces to Aquarius what will this bring to humanity…? What will tomorrow be like… we sure could use a lot more light.

The Seminary Of Praying Mantis

1960s suit

1960s straight legged pant suit.

As we approach this year’s Aquarius celebration of Saturn and Jupiter both in 0 degrees Aquarius 2020 December 21st, I think back upon a time of my life when this song from the musical Hair was immensely popular. I have been watching the two planets hang together over the last couple months. In clear eyesight. Two thousand years from Pisces to Aquarius what will this bring to humanity…? What will tomorrow be like… we sure could use a lot more light.

Mr. Kennedy was a tall grey-haired man. He kind of looked like Ichabod Crane who wore a 1960s straight legged pant suit. He read my poem to the whole class. When the well-read and the popular girls looked around at me, I should have given them my tongue. I should have stuck it way out so they could see it as clear…

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liberté être en liberté

Flipside # 33: So, I continue to follow the words of the Tralfamadorians.

“That’s one thing Earthlings might learn to do, if they tried hard enough: Ignore the awful times, and concentrate on the good ones.” ~  Kurt Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse-Five

So, I continue to follow the words of the Tralfamadorians. It is easy in my cave to think upon the past right now. I want to “concentrate on the good ones.” Which has been an ongoing theme of my posts. These awful times in general during a pandemic and having to hear all the terrible stupid rotten things that a losing president will do makes me depressed. It is beyond absurd….

Los Angeles Flipside Fanzine Comic Relief Issue # 33 was an incredibly fun issue to work on. How we gathered the crème de la crème of punk artists was remarkable. It came to my mind in an informed dialogue and I like it. I presented this at the Los Angeles Punk Museum in 2012 on a big giant board display. ( July 1982 , press run 3,000. Staff :Al, Hud Gus.)

I was influenced, inspired, and shaken-up by these gals.

Times like these, during a pandemic, my cave is a place of visions. I am seeing their faces today. The impression they made on me. Punk women and the days of falling into the punk realm.

Bear in warm water SAUNA

Donna Rhia (Becky Barton) drove me around to shows. Jill Masters let me crash at her apartment next to the Whisky A Go Go. Hanging at the Masque as the Go Go’s practiced. Going to forbidden parties, such as when Hellin Killer got back from the UK, or hearing Lorna Doom’s comforting drole when Darby wined.  Phranc as she showed me her collection of miniature things around her apartment. The girls of the Middle Class. Dancing to Question Mark and the Mysterians at Hollywood Towers while sucking on lemons with Gabi Berlin. Observing as some punk chick dyed her hair black at the Canterbury apartments. Lois with long red hair like the song Red Rubber Ball who lived in Whittier California. Kat Talley-Jones egging me on and trying to tell me how to spell. I was an naïve fledgling punk journalist.

Los Angeles Flipside Fanzine had Punk Women grace it’s cover too.

My focus is who they were. Fearful, excited, and now addicted I had no ambitions but to melt with the punks I identified with. I am highlighting them today.

I was not popular and just filled space. Yet never did I imagine I would live to reflect on these women in my cave while bear snickers over there in his warm water SAUNA during a pandemic.

Kira Roessler and her rain boots as she walked out of the Whiskey.

I was influenced, inspired, and shaken-up by these gals.

“Sallie Sallie was a punk monster. She had loud make-up. She was crazy and unpredictable. Waiting at a stop light in my car across from the Whisky a Go Go, Sallie Sallie jumped on the front of my red VW Squareback. She wiggled, going spastic. I secretly loved her and wanted to be her close friend. She soon disappeared from the punk scene. As I said it seems many faded out as new punks came into the punk scene.”


ISSUE #: 6 Alice Bag
ISSUE #: 13 The Go Go’s
ISSUE #: 15 Exene Cervenka
Jula and Ingrid of Bulimia Banquet
45 Grave Dinah Cancer
Issue 49 Screaming’ Sirens
Songs we listened to on drives to a free San Fransisco… 1979