“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”
― William Shakespeare, Macbeth
Grief and responsibility are two words that I am feeling right now after the death of my older brother Greg, or some call him Gregory.
When I was young, he was a fun and challenging responsible brother. As I got older, I found him distant and lacking the kind of responsibility that comes from a life that is often not perfect. We all have our demons, but Greg was not shy about his.
I am not going to write about his life here.
I have studied many esoteric books and I can give Greg the respect of inspiring me to look this direction.
He studied Rudolf Steiner and I others. I think we studied and experienced our share of mysticism and occult as well as Native American spirituality. We both grew up on the same hills that were wild and whimsical… calling us to our natural spirituality of questions.
I have learned that after death we are given the ability to look over our lives. All the good things and bad. What we did to ourselves and others. Yet when a family member dies, we too ‘the living’ indirectly go through a parallel experience.
I am letting my psyche grieve out. Like the rain today that is a gentle sprinkling while shearing, the cosmos gives back gems and reflections of memories too.
I love my brother Greg and I will miss him showing up out of nowhere, to get a pint from the local Pickwick pub with some Fish and Chips. He was not dependable, but he had a unique pattern about him that made life fun.
I have come to realize that I am a responsible person. Greg was too as a teacher who had good friends.
I like to document things, write, and take care of my family. I wish Greg followed through with some of his writing project ideas.
I can say that Greg had a good life holding many adventures, trials and loves. I wish him well on his journey away from us. I hope when he comes to me during his retrospection of life, he will find one of his four siblings doing what they do as reasonably happy and forgiving.
This is what we humans are made up of, our contrary ways. None of us get away with anything…
Greg had a dark side too. Our family does… standing up to them has been something I had to do. I am glad I did. “So It Goes.”
“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly.