Reflection is a time for me now, a moment of contemplation where I delve into the experiences that have shaped my understanding of the world.
This was a transformative period in 2007, where I learned a great deal about culture and diversity, enriching my perspective and understanding of different ways of life.
I discovered that even here, in our shared human experience, we must strive to find balance amid the chaos, recognizing that we can discern the light in the darkness that often surrounds us.
Walking away from the darkness, I embraced the journey of seeking more light and love, understanding that it is through this pursuit that we can connect with others on a deeper level and foster a sense of unity in our diverse world. Each step taken towards positivity reinforces the strength of community and the beauty that lies within our differences.
As the nice Sikh man taught me,
“Put your hands together, palm to palm. Now place before your nose. Then bow your head saying, “The light in me greets the light in thee.”
The early 2000s were driving achieving time of university and programs. A whirlwind of religiosity and esoteric studies that often clashed between a diversity of scriptures and the interpretation thereof, between faith and loyalty. It was a quickening of a few years that only happens a few times in one’s life.
My youth was gone; I was married again and had two young boys under my care. My life was full of a husband, school days for my sons and myself. I learned to drive the 10 freeway at night from Topanga Canyon to the San Fernando Valley.
I studied on Mount Saint Mary’s campus in Los Angeles. A beautiful campus filled with a type of religiosity, culture, and history. I had dived deeply into religious studies. I learned to reflect and discern religious commentary and diversity. I had goals to get somewhere for myself and my family.
Yet I got stuck in the spider’s web of a type of religious fundamentalism that I naturally repelled.
Ecumenical Christianity led me down the broader path of interfaith and this is where I found Religions for Peace. I enrolled for this summer program and was accepted.
A United Nations program bringing religions together from all over the world. I met with the current chaplain of the United Nations who was very balanced in her faith. I was considering becoming a chaplain myself.
I applied to Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. Yet was not accepted due to my belief in reincarnation and other broader interfaith views.
The Religions for Peace was a vacation away from my family for two weeks.
It was in Kansas City, Kansas. We stayed in an old church with bedrooms, cafeteria, and large rooms for presentations. We visited a variety of churches, temples, and synagogues. We were served traditional cultural meals that were amazing.
As a representative for the United Nations, it was an overwhelming honor, more than I deserved.
Remarkably at one gathering we were served Indian food. Large tables were set up for over five hundred people. Dancers on stage performed for us. Large tall containers of warm milk and tea were in site. The two were blended to make the most delicious cup I have ever had. A type of Chi-Tea.
In contrast the poverty around the building where we stayed was sadly overlooked. I took a walk to a local Mexican restaurant a couple times to see where I was, since I had never been there before.
The plane ride there and back was like a dream.
I missed my family so much. I had long nights of fever and wild dreams.
One of the young ladies who was representing the Jewish Tradition was wearing an owl shirt. To be friendly I tried talking to her,
“How nice.”
“Oh, this I got it at Target,”
She said quickly and turned away.
That night after a large group talk presentation about diversity, religion and how some faiths or race religions suffered. I remember the Chief who came to talk about diversity of his faith entered one of my dreams with some wise words later that night.
I saw him outside my window calling me to come fly away with him and owl.
The Chief said,
“Holly come to the window,”
I saw him yet could not respond in deep sleep.
It was the most challenging time of my life. These people were so serious and professional. I learned something new. Which was the Sikh religion. It was the only real gem I took home with me.
“Sikhism advocates equality, social justice, service to humanity, and tolerance for other religions. The essential message of Sikhism is always spiritual devotion and reverence of God while practicing the ideals of honesty, compassion, humility, and generosity in everyday life.”
I left early because I couldn’t handle the pressure and rudeness there, which seemed to permeate every interaction, leaving me feeling increasingly overwhelmed. What I did not understand at the time was how deeply ingrained the dynamics of the environment where, as it became clear that there was a thread of power plays running through the conversations and unspoken rules.
These subtle manipulations created an atmosphere where trust was scarce, and I often found myself questioning the motives of those around me, ultimately leading to my decision to retreat from such a toxic setting for my own peace and mental well-being. A strange irony. I was naive too then.
I had a sad feeling that this was not a place for me. I needed to fly away with owl. I came home a few days early. I guess the Chief was telling me something.
Looking back, I cherish the friends I made there! I wish I could have documented the experience better. More pictures, places, and dates. When I got back to university, I was shunned for taking a step away from my program.
This was around the time when the local Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles child abuse cases had just broken in the news. So, I left the master’s program.
