Several self-portraits…


I viewed a wonderful film last night on the Sundance Channel called Starting Out in the Evening last.   This is not a critical review of the film but a sharing of the themes that the film inspired out of my life.

It was a film about age differences, maturity and art.  It was about passion, greed and love. It is about a book that an author wrote when he was much younger, and a graduate student who falls in love with the man who wrote that book when he was that young man. It is about a picture of a young man and the real author who is now aged.

I think it is better to achieve fame and fortune later in life. For me it is a bummer for younger people to judge me by what I achieved when I was much younger. In the film this older author has moved on from the young man ideals of youth. Oh sure he talked about them and shared them with others. Yet, it was the here and now that was his real concern. I related to this completely.

We all get older and we often find ourselves in the mist of youngsters. Sometimes I do find it humorous to listen to the troubles of women in their 20s.  They look at me like I don’t  already know what they are experiencing. I am 54. I have had 11 lovers and my heart has been broken more than once. I have been independent, dependent: loved and hated. Nothing really shocks me anymore besides the way our culture sometimes treats children.

I think all of us, when we get past 50, should start to write our biographies and do a self-portrait before we die. (I say this laughing due to another reference to the film Flight Club) Starting Out in the Evening last clearly states that to reach maturity takes a  good deal of time and  life experience. Youth has its day but not for long and definitely not forever as in a picture, book, magazine or song.

I would love reading my mother’s, grandfather’s or my aunt’s biography now! Unfortunately they did not write one.  So I gather what I can from others and from what’s  left behind about their lives.

Not all of us will be accomplished authors… but to our loved ones we can become accomplished authors by writing our biographies for them. As I get older this is what’s most important to me…any fame or future is just a little pinch of the pleasure of sharing who I am with others, especially my loved ones.

Grasping and sharing the story of my life, for I  will someday die… sounds like fun too me!!

The picture above is me. I was 18 months old. I did not want to have my picture-portrait taken. I was nervous, scared and biting my fingers nails….

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