wilds of youth

Winter is often a time to reflect as the fire burns. In a year I will be a senior citizen and like my mom told me, “I may be old on the outside… but I still feel young on the inside!” I still yell the rebel call now and then too! So What?!

My mom saved my praying mantis stencil behind the living room bar. She had extreme foresight and it is a valuable symbol for me on the continuity of life, and of caring,and sharing your dreams with others. She knew!!! She left it there and  after her death it was found.

Punk nostalgia is a good thing.

I was thinking about my parent’s home today. Over 55 years it was the home of my heart and my youthful years. A place to visit and be loved. Now that it is gone to me, I still like to think upon it and share how great it was. Building tree forts, running away from my dad cause he was being a drunk ass, or enjoying the great fires he would make in the fireplace. Mom’s cooking was always a delight to sit down to.

“We just want to live a lovely life.” ~ Steve Ignorant

I miss the wild freedom the Flipside Fanzine people had to create and speak out. It was an overwhelming experience all the time. The great, foolish and  profound characters that we promoted and shared rebellion with, I miss them too. So punk nostalgia is a good friend to remember. Punk has transformed into a different animal. It ain’t what it was. Shows are vastly bigger. Yet, in contrast to this are the small free shows at local bars, when you can find them. I like local now ! I don’t like driving the freeways anymore if I don’t have to.

“Just because we give the impression that life’s a certain way because of technology, there are still people having a rough time of it. So there are bands trying to do it, and there always will be. You’ve just got to go and find them.” ~ Steve Ignorant

I miss the wilds of my youth to run up green hills in Spring and slide down them on cardboard boxes. I miss going to shows where I knew all the players. I had something to offer them then.



Excerpt from My Punkalullaby~I thank her now !!

A sketch from Chapter Five

Old stucco house with wood floors and Mexican Marilyn Monroe next door: Issue 48-57.

The above image is one created for me by punk artist Scott Aicher. I considered his art for the cover of my memoir back in 2007. My ideas went through so many changes as time went on that I progressed to four individual journals and then to a Kindle edition. Moving towards my final rendering is a paperback book. I decided to use my own work and images. I got out of touch with him, yet I can see he is doing alright with other writers and publishers. It is a cool image and I love it.

In Whittier California and at the time we lived in and old stucco house between two apartment buildings. The one on the left I knew no one and the one on the right is where she lived. It was the late 1980s.

She was a couple of pounds over an hourglass figure and about six kids followed her around town. Just like a mother duck and her ducklings; one right after the other.

The story goes that each child had a different father and the truck engines in front of our house revving their engines at 2 AM, night after night, told us her story. She was sexy. She oozed it.

I was jealous of her because she had those kids of hers. At twenty something I was craving a kid. I was not as lucky as she. The wild days of my punk youth were not a good place for kids, but I still was craving a babe in my arms. I often spied on her from my living room widow as she spent time with her kids.

It seemed to me then that she was not very nice or smart. She yelled at her kids, but they were always dressed nicely and well fed. Once I heard her say to one of her kids,

“This time I will break your arm and not take you to the hospital.”

We listened to her as I am sure she listened to us during those times of frustration and loneliness.

For a few years one of her youngest boys would bring me a little cake with a candle to blow out on my birthdays. I never knew how he knew. Hearing a soft knock at the door there he stood. Standing alone and holding up the cake just for me.

We sat on the porch and ate the cake together. I imagined how proud I was of him. How he was my son. He was so smart, sweet, and intelligent. How did such a loud sexy mama as Mexican Marilyn Monroe have such an amazing son?

I realize now she must have had a lot to do with her son coming over and with him bringing me the cake. What she did indirectly was one of the most comforting moments during my overwhelming wild years. She shared her son with me. I thank her now and wish her well!

Click on me baby and find out how love bites..