A Mystery…us little worms !

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O Rose thou art sick. The invisible worm, That flies in the night In the howling storm: Has found out thy bed Of crimson joy: And his dark secret love Does thy life destroy. ~William Blake

I did not take becoming a mom lightly. Growing up in the 1970’s, sex was rampant, provocative with secrets and had plan parenthood. During the 1980s I was too wild to have children and ended up leaving a music scene in order to find a place where I eventually could.

The world my kids are growing up in is now so diverse. Gangs, sex and racism is something they handle with goodness and insight that amazes me. They have come into a technological world that is self-motivating and profoundly enriching. Not to say that technology is perfect because it can be addictive and time-consuming .  I find it better than sitting around a circle smoking pot and listening to the same vinyl records over and over again… like the guys I grew up with!

Two things happened today that made me sick to my stomach. The first was finding out that a club on Facebook that looked very inviting, and cute, shamefully turned out to be an exclusive club for colored women. The second thing that happened  was a woman rewarding other women for not being mothers. Time to think !!

I don’t know why a young colored woman would want to put a tattoo on herself supporting a club that is racist against white woman, and I don’t know why a woman from my own generation would sarcastically humiliate other women for making the decision to have a child.

When I was a 19-year-old punker I wanted to be sterilized so I could not have children. Considering over population, my own sexual abuse experiences, and the need to control my own body;  made me aspire to this. Time to think !

Two abortions, three miscarriages and two baby boys later I am grateful that I decided to have children. It is my body and the opportunity to bring children into this world has been my greatest gift.

I have come to the profound conclusion that life is a mystery. I know that this mystery must know a great deal more of what is going on than we do… us little worms !

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