worth in this life


s a 55-year-old woman who is in a cocoon stage of menopause, I am pulling away from the words and ways of regret. In my 30s I held on to the ‘shoulda woulda couldas,” these regrets once raced around in my mind; they went racing around in my mind and they took all energy from my life. As I melt here and reflect on life, I realize I am at a good chrysalis state of acceptance. I know my mind and heart. I know I can focus my mind on what I want to without peer pressure directing me. I know that my heart has a mind of its own and I let it do what it wants, this is creative inspiration. I write my stories, poems and angry editorials. I share my history and life. I have family, friends and mystery muses (who may not ever know who they are)! I am waiting, listening and focused. I do not hear an echo or sense a haunting of “shoulda woulda couldas” anymore. My ambition is null but like the purple flower from the novel, The Color Purple, I like to be noticed for my worth in this life.

“Shug: I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don’t notice it.”

For me it is walking by a praying mantis and not noticing her. That must piss-off nature something awful!!