Category Archives: My Red Book by Holly Cornell

Existentialism and turning 60…

“…individual’s starting point is characterized by what has been called “the existential attitude,” or a sense of disorientation, confusion, or dread in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd. Many existentialists have also regarded traditional systematic or academic philosophies, in both style and content, as too abstract and remote from concrete human experience.”

Ageing and turning 60 is an interesting time. I am reflecting over my life. The metaphor of fitting jigsaw pieces together is the best one that can describe my experience now. I now understand the meaning of existentialism. I thought I had an idea of what it meant. Not until now do I know it truly. It is a jolting reality. The now observing the past is how one can see existentialism alive!

As a child I remember waking up at night with a strange sensation that lasted only a few moments. A surrounding feeling that came to mind. One that I could not touch, access with words, or edify. It was a feeling deep in my teeth of something other. It would go away quickly. I had that same feeling through my growing up. I always knew when the other feeling was approaching. The other feeling went away as I grew up.

K -12, my whole education experience I was asleep. I realize this now. Existential is based on contrary things. Conflict or mindfulness to the absurd world we live in. When I look back at myself I was experiencing or having an existential experience my whole young life. I was in a shadow world of social pressures and abstract ideals that where strange to me.

Only waking up occasionally to the wind on the hills or the rain while walking home. Playing in green fields with my friends.  The smell of the earth and the feel of pepper trees on my skin. The aroma of the eucalyptus tree.

I went through the motions at school. I did not study or bring books home, and if I did I don’t remember them much. I do remember reading the little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis, the King James Christian Bible, and Seven Arrow by Hyemeyohsts Storm. (Native American Myth) Sherlock Holmes appealed to me. Also, songs on the radio are moments of awareness.

I was in trauma while I was growing up too! I was living in a home with an alcoholic parent and experienced love but also emotional abuse as a regular part of my life.

My point being I was not awake to my human experience until I started waking up later in my teens by the jolt of consensual sex, youthful love, and punk music.

I remember at 18 or so there were times that a light would come on and everything seemed more intense.  One time out to dinner with my parents it seemed that the restaurant light above us turned on brighter. I was in an intense illumination. Then the light went out. This is when I was experiencing an awakening an existential conflicting experience.

When I entered the punk rock world in Los Angeles I experienced this existential conflicting experience increasingly. The people and music really stirred me up. I awoke to the absurdity of life in a good way. I found my mind, voice, and soul all aligned. I began to acquire knowledge easily. I read ecstatically. I found out that I had an engaging and intellectual mind that had not been touched by the k-12 academia that tried to teach me.

I don’t think we can continue to live in an existential conflicting reality. Yet in these such moments when the existential happens.  This is where we can find our authentic self. I am very grateful!!


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“…child psychologist Bruno Bettelheim believed that fairy tales help children cope with their existential anxieties and dilemmas.”


Sunday Random pick…

I looked over. A book was yelling at me to take it and open it up. I did not want to do it. I did it. I randomly did what it desired… for me…to see…

summerwildpurplethistle-1

“This investigation was rounded out by the Mysterium Coniunctionis, in which I once again took up the problem of the transference, but primarily followed my original intention of representing the whole range of alchemy as a kind of psychology of alchemy, or as an alchemical basis for depth psychology. In Mysterium Coniunctionis my psychology was at last given its place in reality and established upon its historical foundations. Thus my task was finished, my work done, and now it can stand. The moment I touched bottom, I reached the bounds of scientific understanding, the transcendental, the nature of the archetype per se, concerning which no further scientific statements can be made. ” Pg. 221, Memories, Dreams, Reflections , C. G. Jung.

A feminine soul to be precise

Now having passed over this lake in this way, we first went through a narrow arm, into the right seas, where all the sirens, nymphs, and sea-goddesses were waiting for us; wherefore they immediately dispatched a seanymph to us to deliver their present and offering of honour to the Wedding. It was a costly, great, set, round and oriental pearl, the like of which has never been seen, neither in our world nor yet in the new world,… Pg. 62 The Fifth Day The Chymical Wedding of Christian Rosenkreutz

Pearl watercolor by Hudley

Pearl watercolor by Hudley 7″ by 8″ water color. 2002

A water-color inspired by a strange story. Haunting me in a symbolic world. As a woman I tend to go wandering for things to help my psyche. A feminine soul to be precise. So often in this world today everything is based on the male soul or male journey. Even in my beloved Red Book by Carl Jung I always remember to participate as a stranger in his world; it is a journey of a male. I must hold the hand of my own animus too when I take these symbolic journeys. I feel it is important for women to know this and do this.

“Animus is the archetype of reason and spirit in women. This is the male aspect of the female psyche, as the anima is the female aspect of male psyche.”

While reading from The Red Book a few days ago I came across the Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis. I know the book and have studied it. Yes I understand what Jung is saying but it does not appeal to my sensibility. So I went looking, is there an Imitation of the Goddess?  I have come to see that the journey of Christ is a patriarchal one. I respect this yet have reached a point where I have to refrain from this. What came to my mind today is this small water-color I did years ago. The Chymical Wedding of Christian Rosenkreutz has a wonderful image that I grasped and is very friendly to my animus sensibility. “where all the sirens, nymphs, and sea-goddesses were waiting for us.” Which is why I often capture art before I fully understand its meaning. Today I do. I hope I can inspire another female to take such a journey like mine or that this image may help your psyche. A feminine soul to be precise.  I know this story holds both something for the animus and anima. It indeed symbolically speaks of a wedding or bringing together of both the animus and anima within each of us. The Chymical Wedding of Christian Rosenkreutz begins with a lovely image and the star above the two, male and female, is a lovely image to ponder.

CWCR

http://carl-jung.net/animus.html

http://hermetic.com/norton/pdf/Chymical_Wedding.pdf

glorious shameless orgy

Spring Equinox

The story of Persephone eating pomegranate seeds was related like a fairy tale in place of the original myth; Ovid speaks once of three, once of seven, pomegranate seeds and related that the tree grew in the garden of the king of the underworld.

Pg.134, A Hermetical Essay on the Mysteries, Eleusis ~ Carl Kerenyl

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Dandelions in my garden By Hudley March 2016

Last autumn I cleared a patch of earth until it was hard dirt. It stayed this way through the California drought of 2015-16. I was feeling like the dirt; barren, hopeless, and death lingered by grief as a dark hopeless shadow. The underworld loomed close. It was winter. I then focused on my studies of the  Eleusinian mysteries, Persephone’s mythology and now Aeschylus’s play Prometheus Bound.  Through years of study the time was just right for profound understanding to came quickly.

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“ambrosia” and “ichor” and “moly”… in my garden. ` x Prometheus Bound

Now this patch of earth is a glorious shameless orgy of life. The simple saying “life, death and rebirth” shines in my soul. Nature shows us the holy grail within: as Persephone reaching for the dead symbolizing the bridge of rebirth, and as Prometheus bringer of fire gifting humanity the dreams of “dim hopes.”

Pg. xvii Translator’s Introduction. Warren D. Anderson.

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Fennel Reed from the Santa Monica Mountains CA

Because I granted mortal men prerogative;
I sought the source of fire by stealth and carried it
Within a hollow fennel reed. My gift to man
Has taught him every skill and been his great resource.
Such is the crime for which I pay the penalty,
Spread-eagled, pinned in chains beneath the open sky.

108-113 Prometheus Bound ~ Aeschylus

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The She-Wolf

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Romulus and Remus She Wolf (Ancient Rome)

“The same story was told of a certain Irish Tribe in Ossory, who became wolf-people when attending their Yuletide feast, devouring the flesh of cattle as wolves, and afterward regaining their human shape.” Pg. 1069

Myths, fairy tales, children stories and scary stories seem to be just that. Yet if we pull the colorful ribbon to open these gifts, they share and reveal depth and revelations unimaginable and so “pow” exciting. History, wisdom and ancient festivals move through the words condensed at a time when ‘the Church’ and ‘modern science’ did not own us. A time when customs where not patriarchal. This knowledge revealed is often through the process of initiation or other worldly investigation. Sometimes taking the fire of passion to awaken these stories of truth. All the emotions come to play and in the process we can be enlightened. When we begin to see the truths hidden within them. It can be political or historically colored in the destruction of a world where festivals celebrated by native people are alive again. Where our unconscious holds the needed keys to open the truth. Legends can be upside down or reversed where evil is not evil and where righteousness contains the core of perversion, lies and powerful untruths. We can skip lightly through these myths, fairy tales, children stories and scary stories or we can dive into them.
The evil Werewolf is partly a creation of the Inquisition and the word lycanthropy was used then to describe it, which  influences our modern perspective of a werewolf being something evil. This lie was created by the Inquisition when a local villager, dressed in the pelt or skin of a wolf, stole an animal from a rich man’s live stock. Captured and branded as a thief and declared possessed by the devil. He was tortured and declared evil. The term used was lycanthropy. A person who transforms into a wolf.

Dressing in the skin of a wolf was an ancient custom and part of many peasant festivals. It is the celebration of the hunt, nature and the Goddess.

The poor peasant thief is transformed into someone evil only by a period of history when an Inquisition was on a mission to transform and destroy old peasant customs, especially those holding dear the mysteries of nature and the Goddess.

“The She-Wolf was another aspect of the Triple Goddess, as shown by her triadic motherhood.” Pg. 1069

Festivals embrace this continuity from ancient times by way of oral tradition, dance, rites and rituals. Known as the “wolf-clan tradition.” Pg. 1070″

“Grandmother, what big arms you have!”
“All the better to hug you with, my dear.”
“Grandmother, what big legs you have!”
“All the better to run with, my child.”
“Grandmother, what big ears you have!”
“All the better to hear with, my child.”
“Grandmother, what big eyes you have!”
“All the better to see with, my child.”
“Grandmother, what big teeth you have got!”
“All the better to eat you up with.
And, saying these words, this wicked wolf fell upon Little Red Riding Hood, and ate her all up.” ~Charles Perrault `

Little Red Riding Hood is a story that contains an ancient tradition.

“The Red woven hood was the distinguishing mark of a prophetess or priestess…was part of a Virgin-Mother-Crone Trinity.” Pg. 1070.

In conclusion this has been a general look, a laywoman’s study, of ribbons pulled; a look at the she-wolf clan and red hoods and poor peasants. Life is a mystery and I find that these stories of antiquity show us a great deal more about the mystery of life then we know. The only thing evil presented here is the Roman Catholic Inquisition.

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Notes and quotes taken from Barbara G. Walker, The Woman’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets.
Ossory
http://www.britannica.com/place/Ossory
Inquisition
http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Inquisition

Her Bidding…

Adelaide's Flower Watercolor by Hudley

A Mom’s rose

Walking through the fear of standing tall is how karma kicked me in the butt. Now I can do it. She did not want me to stop writing, or painting or being strong!

A few years ago before my parents passing we tried to get them to use cell phones and computers. The best we could do is for mom. She snuck upstairs where the computer was hidden from Dad, he did not like computers, and she played poker on the compter, and the game Hearts too. She had to adjust her time as not to interfere with her attention given to Dad. He was demanding of her time that way. Maybe she found this fun freedom when Dad was viewing Golf on TV or some other annoying sport. Maybe it is when he went to the store to get some groceries? You bet Mom had her ear phones on listening to the radio. Listening to her Dodgers when the season and clandestine entertainment permitted.

Now I am talking about dreams again. Sometimes it is not all Jungian archetypical stuff!! Mom walks her drama in my dreams; pointing to things I must attend to. I do the best to understand her. Yet as we have both learned, foresight does not help… it only prepares us for the future; we can not effect a change.

Now that I have done your bidding maybe a bright flower in my path through synchronicity …would be nice about now.

Just hanging around the fire with Coyote, Bear, Buffalo and Eagle…

Is the smoke appeasing you? I hope so. I am still grieving.

… onto the game of Hearts.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snuck

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/phobia-shmobia/

Light and the Word

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
Helen Keller

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2The same was in the beginning with God. 3All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4In him was life; and the life was the light of men. 5And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. ~ John I King James Bible

I awoke with this on my mind. I memorized this quote this way from my youth. I have always had a quiet understanding of things. Personal experiences and at times not so easy. Yet it is a ongoing study of culture, religion or belief systems. The secular, atheists or feminists  are interesting to listen to too and learn from; which are contrasting and comparable to my own experiences of this question of The Word and the Light.

“Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all — the apathy of human beings.”
Helen Keller

What moved me this morning was the simplicity of two things. The Word and The Light. From a Jungian perspective this can be viewed objectively  or subjectively.

That which is below is like that which is above, and that which is above is like that which is below, to perform the miracles of one only thing.

Hermes Trismegistus

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Aurea Catena. The Golden (or Homeric) Chain in Alchemy in the series of great wise men [ women], beginning with Hermes Trismegistus, which links earth with heaven. Watercolor by Hudley 1989

What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across
the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator 1830 – 1890

http://biblehub.com/john/1-1.htm

Venus Image

An image is manifesting in my life. The flower image of  Venus. The image or pattern that the planet Venus makes while traveling around the earth. It have been studied for years and is close to one of our oldest images to be acknowledged throughout the ages of humanity and the planets.

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Simple things. Images recurring, a hair pin found on the ground under the night sky, and image in a dream with a circle drawn around the same flowering pentagram image. Then comes the Moon, Jupiter and even some Saturn.

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Hair Pin

I can focus personally on this image or collectively and it makes for something profoundly affirming to me and for others, I am sure of this.

Wheat And Moon

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Vincent Van Gogh ` Wheat and Moon

I am amazed how ancient cultures and Gods, and especially Goddesses are connected to the earth and sky, the harvest of grains, or caves and trees, forests and fog! Myths, stories and ancient rituals are now magnified on programs like Ancient Aliens, Monsters in America and A Haunting ! We have become so disassociated with magic and lore, that were once very much a part of our ancient ancestors, it is now exploited as strange, weird or crazy.  Yet paradoxically these supernatural legends, myths and the strange earth are all part of us! It is good, natural and part of us all!

As the math equations that morph into divine intelligence, or as electricity is  powered by communicating aliens or the dead! Dreams can move through us and our new Gods of computers and hand help devices! Masses of gamers across the country… or around the world… merging with strange battles from the earth, chemicals and unknown alchemists. Technological caves and dust mites are our human wheat field. I just don’t know?

I am jealous how close ancient people were to the earth, sky and grain of the earth. A simple strand of wheat, like gold, holding a ritual of initiation! Something our current world knows very little about! Yet the image is held frozen as an image or seed unbroken by wisdom!

” …The moon in this case is not a primum movems ; she suffers just like man or plant. It is rather a question of some occurrence in our cosmos which mythology expresses equally in the symbol of the moon, the woman, and the grain. In so doing it speaks of the one under the image of the other. for this it is particularly fond of the Kore figure.” –

PG. 130 , Kore essays On A Science Of Mythology C. J. Jung and C. Kerenyi

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All about a song…a continuity …one song to-the next..

Pythia

Like a new born baby it just happens ev’ry day ~ Rolling Stones

One song to the next is still a motivation in my life. Synchronizing past, present and future dreams. Joan asked me today If I was at the mount of Delhi what question would I ask of her the Pythias. My mind went blank or black.

I heard Paint It Black by the Avengers years ago live in a club to the frequency of bouncing youths. A tight crowd of underground nobodies who were wild and unassuming. The Avengers were fun, intense and no lines drawn between bands and fans. The first time I saw this band play this song Spaz Attack was vibrating on the ground and I was drooling beer while watching him, because my belly was about to pop.  It was all new..kinda like black…unknown and exciting.

That is this song to me…

“…but nothing impossible, that we meet here: the revelation of something that is dark in comparison with an idea, but ideal in comparison with blind feeling- the revelation of something still unopened, like a bud…” – Kore PG. 105. Essays On a Science of Mythology, C. g. Jung and C. Kerenyi